Growing Pains

So it's happening. After years of waiting and wanting, I have reached a point where I am preparing to go back to school. The story of my going to and stopping school is much too full of drama to even attempt to write on here - and has the potential of hurting others' feelings - so it will remain unwritten: a tragic tale that will be told time and time again until it is twisted and transformed into something trite. At any rate, I stopped. I stopped when I was only 30 credits (two semesters) shy of graduating. It tugged at my very core for quite some time. I can't tell you how many times I looked into and applied to schools where my husband was attending or applying to, or even several online degree programs. It seemed each time I begrudgingly felt that it wasn't the right time, not the right choice for me and my family at that point in our lives. And so I had babies and raised children and knew that someday my time would come. I don't recall when, how or why, but at some point along my journey that tugging stopped. I was at peace about not being in school, and I felt sure of my chosen "profession." I'm so grateful for that peace. I'm glad I stopped caring, worrying and obsessing.

But now all of that has started up again. For many reasons the time has come for me to return to school. And I couldn't care less. And I don't really want to go. I'm going to have to do so much more than those measly thirty credits, and it just seems like so much to invest: time, money, intelligence: isn't there something better I could invest in? And yet I know that in order to be and do what I want to do I need an education - or at least a degree - since I feel rather educated already. And so, in looking into the application process, I am re-questioning what I want to be when I grow up and wondering which route to take. I hate this. I hate that I used to be so sure and now I am wavering. I suppose I'm still in those terrible twenties where many of life's most difficult decisions are made...

My mind's a jumble.

So, internet, what do YOU think I should be when I grow up?

My Crazy Wonderful Family

Our weekend was a bit crazy! Amongst a million trifles, I went yard-saling and the kids had a talent show. The yard-saling was fun but a bit stressful as I tried to meander my way around streets I have no knowledge of - next time I'm mapping out my route and plan of attack. My most successful purchases were a Columbia snowsuit for Little E and some long-sleeved (Gap) shirts for Miss J - everything for less than $5. For the snowsuit alone, I felt like my morning out was definitely worth it.

The talent show was announced several weeks ago in primary at church. Mr. Man did a Family Home Evening dedicated to the event where we discussed our numerous talents. In the end, the talents the kids picked to present were not what I would ever have guessed, but were something different from the typical singing and dancing and piano playing that usually monopolize such events. Miss J chose to make crazy bread. And she practiced (yum) and perfected (double yum) her making of it too! I wish I'd taken a picture of the great sign she made for it. On it she wrote what it was, who made it and then: "Don't worry, will not actually make you crazy!" Love it. The boys chose to do a lighsaber battle. Un huh. I was a bit worried about this, and actually worked with them to get a little number figured out, with positions, some slow motion, a closing... and with strict command to NOT hurt each other. Well they got up on stage and the crowd drew their breath and ooohed and ahhhhed and suddenly they were in their own world performing for a crowd a lightsaber battle that, while it looked familiar, was not at all what we had practiced. It ended with one hurt and the other ready to retaliate. But it ended. Little E is a true performer and kept a straight face the entire time, oblivious to the audience. Mr. Man asked him prior to his turn if he was nervous and he shook his head and looked at him like, "why on earth would I be nervous?!" They all made me proud. Crazy kids.

This was bedtime stories last night. A la candlelight. Romantic and cozy, right. Well, not if you realize WHY we had to light candles. Friday night we invited our neighbors over for a little BBQ. With extra kids running around, we didn't realize that Little E had snuck into the house and had been gone for a while. I'm not sure why Mr. Man went in, but when he did the sound of rushing water awaited him. Then the incessant screaming of my name. Apparently Little E either had a rather large excretion or else used way too much toilet paper and had clogged the toilet. Hoping it would fix itself, and being a child, he didn't tell us that the toilet was overflowing. Literally flooded the entire bathroom and started into the (carpeted) hallway. We cleaned up as much of the stinky mess as we could, stopped the flow and then returned to our company. A little bit later, Little E came out to report (since we'd given him the "please tell a parent when something goes wrong" lecture) that there was water dripping from the ceiling fan and light in the living room (directly BELOW the bathroom). Sure enough... poopy water was flowing through the ceiling fan onto our nice light carpet. "How to NOT freak out when crap like this happens" would be a good lecture for me to hear! Ugh. So we turned off the power in the living room (that Mr. Man argues is really the family room... another entry altogether) to let the light and fan dry out safely. Thus the candlelit bedtime ritual! Craziness in the midst of happiness. Or perhaps the other way around...

Finding My Place

I've hit this whole new era of motherhood. And while sometimes I read people's blogs or listen to thoughts on their lives and am so impressed that they don't let motherhood define who they are as a person, I've decided I can't help it. For now, it's what I do whole-heartedly and full-time, and really it defines me completely. But motherhood has taken on a new definition lately and I feel a bit lost in my role.

My forte is gone. I am really the best preschool Mom around. I love that age. I BELONG with 3-5 year olds, and I'm good at it. Being good at something makes you happy to do it, and it makes you feel good about yourself as well. Now I'm a school-age Mom (my poor five year old has had to make the leap too early for my liking!). My third grader has friends who want her to meet them at the park. I don't know if my heart can handle letting her ride her bike off down the street the 4 blocks and around the corner to the park without me! My first grader wants to be with his friends (and oh how they abound) every day after school. We need some balance, and I need to learn how to let go.

And then there is The Toddler. I am unabashedly his mother too. ALL DAY LONG. He is teaching me to play again, and I find myself doing things I haven't done forever, like library storytimes and running around the park with him instead of frequenting the bench (my rear may thank me!)

I really don't know how you mothers with teenagers and newborns and all that come between can do it. You are miracle workers for sure.

So I'm lost and am seeking guidance for my new-to-me role. I've got advice coming out of my ears for you preschool Moms - so somebody out there should have something for me before I turn to creating a support group for "lost Moms".

Part of me sees the humor in the fact that I purposely didn't start school this fall so that I could be an anchor of support to all the other family members who will be going through huge transitions, when now I find myself going through a doosy too! At least I know that I learned to walk one step at a time, just like everything else in life. The hard part is acknowledging that falling hurts and that it's part of the process as well.

Family Fun

We loaded up on family for the last two weeks. First Mr. Man's mom and step-dad, then my brother and sister-in-law and finally my sister and her cute little family. They literally overlapped their stays... we felt so spoiled to have constant company and we tried to make the best of each group's visit. We ate good food, played lots of games, enjoyed splashing and relaxing in the hot tub, checked out the campus, explored the beautiful mountains and trails around us, went raspberry and corn picking and much more! Mr. Man also got help with a few house projects from unsuspecting visitors {insert evil laugh here}!!!


Grandma & Grandpa:


Uncle & Auntie:

Cousins:

Now I'm preparing myself for the lonelies. I sent my third child off to school last week and I am inconsolably sad about it. I'm hoping I can get through it and not do something drastic like pull him out and homeschool him (always at the back of my mind as he cries the whole walk to school).

Neither one of us is crying... but we have that same "holding it all in" fake smile.
I mean just look at his sweet little (very young) face as he waves me goodbye on that precious of all "first day of school." I can hardly handle this.

This week I have a small list of projects to tackle with just The Toddler around for company, and am also hoping to make a friend or two (though I KNOW, it will take me a year to get settled in here!) Am also going to start planning our ten year anniversary trip and apply to school (yes, it's my turn now!) So hopefully I'll stay busy and happy in my empty house.

Thanks everyone for coming!

It's all about the TOOTH

We've had, and are expecting, lots of family visitors. Love having family over. I have lots to catch up on in the blogging world; company means we do more, but I have less time to blog. Hopefully after everyone leaves I will have lots of time to journal and post in order to overcome the immense loneliness that will be sure to follow a couple of weeks of fun family time. But I had to take a moment to post THIS miraculous picture:

Mr. T lost his first tooth. The boy's tooth has been loose for months and months now. Seriously. I'm thinking eight maybe. He refused to touch it. Which is so opposite from Miss J who constantly is wiggling teeth that aren't even thinking about being loose yet. At lunch today he thought it was going to fall out... but we were eating quickly in order to be on time for church (a great feat) and he claimed he didn't have time for his tooth to fall out or else we would be late (whose child is he?). So it was at the very end of church in primary that the tooth just fell - that last root just gave up its hold apparently. He is so happy and so proud. He keeps asking, "Aren't you so proud of me for losing a tooth?" Unfortunately his real smile is such that you can't see the location of the missing tooth - so he looks rather goofy with that grin to show it off. Tonight we will be expecting company, but also a little fairy.

First Day of School

It was like Christmas morning at our house today. Mr. T woke up before the crack of dawn ready to start his "first day of school." We had our traditional first day of school breakfast which consists of a completely unhealthy dose of waffle/ice cream sandwiches. (This was a breakfast we had on my last day of seminary each year - and I looked forward to it immensely. I chose to have it on the FIRST day of school for our family, so that we can look forward to the beginning, and not just the end!) Miss J was mostly nervous and literally dragged her feet into the school - so much so that the principal came up and gave her a welcoming hug that helped. Also having a new friend that saved her a seat in class was extremely helpful. I can't wait to hear how her day has gone.

My third grader.

My overly-excited first grader!

How the youngest feels about all of this:

Final Days of Summer Break

So I've become one of those mothers who can't wait for school to start! This has been the LONGEST summer break for us EVER... and we are all getting on each others' nerves and ready to have a little dose of seperation. School starts tomorrow for the two eldest,and I think we are all ready. See my plans:
They are ready to go to school, Little E is excited to have a little less competition and bossiness around as we enjoy a few days of just him, Little J and I.

We spent most of the day up in the mountains, taking a beautiful drive, pincicking, and taking a small hike up to a gorgeous (icy cold) waterfall. The kids loved all the exploring they could do. Little J wasn't quite himself (those two year mollars are harassing him) but was happy for a bit when he could throw some rocks into a ravine.

Tonight we had our special back to schoool dinner. Followed the beautiful example of NieNie and have a school year theme too. Miss J helped me create this:

We had a scrumptious dessert and father's blessings... followed by baths/showers and preventative morning rush preparations such as lunch making and outfit choosing. All my children are read too, sung too and tucked into their beds. I love them so much when they are sleeping. We'll see if I cry tomorrow or not! I've had three children at home for sooooooooo long, it will be a whole different story to have three in school. I'm excited for the new chapter.

Joys of Homeownership

In the past two weeks we have become the proud owners of numerous items we have never had use for before owning a home; such as a lawnmower and a ladder.

We've had several little projects to get started on before the winter hits. (The indoor projects will get tackled another time.) And according to this guy... it IS a joy!

Love how handy he is.

I sure love this guy for so many reasons. He's wonderful.

Our Hike

The Goal: to hike to the "M"

The Participants: 2 Moms (one completely out of shape), 2 toddlers, 3 big kid hikers, 1 jogging stroller

Fuel: fruit leather, homemade granola bars, water... lots of encouragement

WE MADE IT!

(See the M in the background! The kids were sort of thinking it would be a standing up M or something and were a bit disappointed to just find rocks!!! The view, however, was breathtaking... what breath I had left!)

The View: see our little town...


The hike down was a bit more of an adventure as we took a wrong turn and encountered steep clifs and lots of what the kids called "rock climbing". We sang praises to the pioneers and were happy to find our air-conditioned vehicles waiting in the parking lot below. It was a great time, and I'm so glad we did it... and am thankful for a new friend for both Baby J (he really needs a new name on this blog) and myself. We already have another adventure planned for next week - right before school starts!

Yeah for fresh mountain air. And showers... for when we get home!

School Shopping

Last winter we had no clue where we would end up this year. We had applied from places as cold as Northern Canada, to as warm as Florida. And so I didn't do any clothing clearance shopping to get stocked up for this year... not knowing whether we would be needing shorts and tank tops or sweaters and snow pants. And so, in the end, our clothing inventory is looking rather drab. The two eldest especially have nothing. And it seems I will be buying new jeans for each boy, as the knees become threadbare and non-existent by the time they are outgrown. So fine. I made my list and we have set out several times this week in an attempt to check off each item. Shoes are done. Jeans are done (thank you Old Navy!) and long sleeved shirts, sweaters and sweatshirts - are NOWHERE!

It will likely snow here next month, and yet, I can't find anything warm for my children to wear. I went to one store where I bought all three of the long-sleeved shirts they had for my boys. And then I have resorted to stopping Moms with kids in parking lots and begging to know where they shop. The answers: they head to another state to do all their shopping, or they shop online. I asked about second-hand clothing stores, desperately missing our nearby Once Upon a Child, and was told the one that had existed burned down... there may be another somewhere, but nobody is quite sure where. I'm devastated. You know how I feel about shopping anyways, and you know how picky my daughter is, and how skinny and tall (not regular sized) my eldest son is... and tada: tragedy. Small tragedy, I know. But still.

So I'm seriously thinking of starting a used kids clothing store. And in the meantime, I may buy a sewing machine! (Just kidding Mom - don't worry, I know I suck!) No, in the meantime, I am searching for free shipping coupons online and hoping I get everyone's sizes right...

Send me happy shopping vibes! It's like living in Hawaii all over again. Only colder.

Professor Dumbledore?

We went to our new ward for church last Sunday without Mr. Man - who was travelling at the time. The kids were a bit trepidatious to attend a "new church" class and primary, but were thrilled to find out that they were singing the same songs as our last ward, and that they were given plentiful opportunities to earn candy through participation. (I seriously cannot believe HOW MUCH CANDY my kids ate and brought home... it was like trunk or treat.) Anyways, on the way out to the car a nice lady stopped me to introduce herself and let me know that she was Little E's primary teacher. She just went on and on about him and thought he was just the cutest thing ever. Every parent's dream: to have a teacher that adores their child, and to have a son who was (hopefully) being adorable and well-behaved. She asked a few questions and then said that she knew my husband was a fisherman and asked what type of fishing he did for a living. I was shocked and stuttered through some sort of incoherent response, mostly asking where she had heard such a thing. Apparently she had asked Little E what his Daddy did, and he had replied, "He's a fisherman. He caught five fish." After hearing her story, I laughed, explaining that we had recently been on vacation where Mr. Man took the kids fishing and had, indeed, caught five fish... but that he wasn't a fisherman by trade. We laughed, and I died laughing once we got in the car again - and anytime I think of this story!

I asked Little E why he had told his teacher that his Dad was a fisherman. And he looked me square in the face and said, "She asked me what does my Daddy do... and that's all I could think of." I explained to him that when someone asks what Daddy does, they are trying to ask what he does for job or for work. He thought about this for a moment and then burst out laughing when he realized that somebody thought his Dad's JOB was to be a fisherman. I love that this kid can already laugh at himself.

Well today at church a mother whose daughter is in Little E's class came up to me. Apparently Little E has made quite the impression on this little girl. Her mother went to class with her just to meet my son and they had a little conversation. The little girl was born in Indiana and so her mother asked Little E where in Indiana we had moved from. He shrugged his shoulders and then said, "I don't know. But it's not very big." Then she asked him why our family had moved here and he told her it was because his Daddy got a job. Then she asked him, "What does your Daddy do?" And he wisely told her, "Well, he's NOT a fisherman!" She told me all of this while I tried not to cry laughing and explained the background from last Sunday's fisherman story as well!

On the car ride home, we asked Little E if he knew what Mr. Man does for a job. He did, in way too many words. So Mr. Man told him he could just say, "he's a professor." Little E smiled real big as he thought about this and said, "I'm going to tell them that you're Professor Dumbledore!!!" At least it's a BIT closer to the truth! However, I fear I'm in for a lot of story-telling with this one!

PS - This is my 500th POST!

Finally Two

Dear Baby J,

You are my last two year old. Amazing grace. I feel as though I have been telling people that you are "almost two" for like forever. There is such a difference between 12 months, 18 months and then even 21, 22, and 23 months. My goodness, how you have aged.

Today we celebrated your birthday. Daddy is home now. Almost all of the boxes are unpacked, and it was decidedly your day. When you awoke you sang your usual "Good mo--------rning" song (from "Singin' in the Rain" - though you don't know that yet) into each of our bedrooms, including each of our names so that we would be personally awoken by you. Then you ran downstairs full of your usual early morning energy only to find a birthday banner and balloons galore (Daddy swore me to have the goal of NOT getting mad at all the balloons today, and I have succeeded... though they may not be around when you wake up tomorrow...). I love this picture that shows how excited you were when we told you that this was for you; that it was YOUR birthday. All day, you have bounced around shouting "mine" clearly aware that this day was for you. (Check out the tippy toes!)

Having you join our family was such a hard decision for us. Before you were born, Mommy and Daddy went back and forth and were often at odds with each other with whether or not we should add another child to our already busy little family. Being pregnant with you was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Just thinking about being confined to a bed or couch makes me shiver... but I did it, so that I could have YOU. And we are so glad we chose to bring your sweet spirit into our home. Knowing who you are would have made the decision to have you so simple.

You are spoiled rotten by all your big brothers and sister. They adore you to pieces and you melt your Daddy's heart on a regular basis. Your little "more please" and "thank you" are the most adorable sounds. Hearing you try to keep on a conversation by saying words of things you know are of interest to the person you are conversing with is delightful. You are such a sweetheart... and given your huge interest in babies, and the fact that you will pretty much try to beat up a girl to get to her doll, and since you are our last baby... you got a cute little baby doll today and my oh my has that doll been held, kissed, rocked and strolled in your little pink stroller. I can't wait for you to name her.

"Unhuh" is probably your most uttered word. Gone is your "es" for "yes", but your "no, stop that" is incredibly coherent. You love music; singing and dancing are constants for you. And many of your words are said in a sing-song tone.

{sister iced your carrot cake}

Perhaps because you have so many older siblings, you think you are invincible: 2 going on 7! You are cautious (according to Mom, but Crazypants according to Dad), and willing to try anything the older kids will do - at the playground, at the pool, anywhere! You adore batman, Ernie (even more than Elmo now), Little Einsteins, riding your bike (well, being pushed on it), anything with wheels (cars, trucks, trains), playing with playdoh, chocolate (which I think was your first word and you can pronounce it perfectly), bananas, your blankie and soother, and doggies (and you STILL call cats doggies, no matter what as well!)
You are my adorable, but stubborn, little prince (you wore pjs all day, changed from one set to another after the nap you did NOT take) ... whom I soon will get to spend all day every day ALONE with (the older three are starting school in just a couple of weeks!) Happy birthday my little two year old... and yes, you are two... not ONE or THREE.

Love, Mommy

Wizard Chess

The kids have been in Harry Potter mode over here... which consists of a lot of imaginary play and spell casting, as well as lots and lots of chess. We have a great big closet under the stairs that has become the playroom and "Harry Potter cupboard" and has proved a very fun space. Having all of our toys and games unpacked has also been a delight as we still have two more weeks of summer break over here. The minute they wake up in the morning the three eldest scramble to figure out who will play who first at chess... and the tournaments continue throughout the day; meaning I have to literally drag them away from that chess board to go play outside. Now if only I had a spell that would make them get along all day...

Lonely

{some pictures of our plane travels}

I have two half-written entries with scattered thoughts and impressions, respectively titled "Moments and Memories of the Move" and "Many Mini-Miracles". But I have to take a moment to say just how incredibly lonely I am. I have this big beautiful house but nobody to drop by to say "hi" or meet at the park. Driving on new streets is a lonely feat as well. Today has been a sad lonely day for me. While the sun is shining and I have windows galore to let in its beautiful rays, I've felt dark. We went out a couple of times, even after the first adventure went awry (registering the kids for school... a LONG horrible time and story) we ventured out to our little park up the street, where thankfully another mother with children showed up so I had someone to gather information from, and just talk to. However, the sunscreen had yet to be unpacked and so we are all sporting gorgeous red faces tonight. Things would seem brighter if Mr. Man were here, but tomorrow is his big day: his glorious defense, which I'm sure he will blow right out of the water. He is so amazing. But nervous... so keep him in your prayers. It is also Baby J's second birthday tomorrow.. but shhhhhh... we're not celebrating until Saturday when Daddy will be here and hopefully more order will abound and I'll have the ability to have cake and celebrate. I'm praying for patience. And for friends... for each of us

Is a short sucky post better than no post?

We are here. Here in our new house, and for a short two days we were all together as a family again. It has been a bit crazy but fun crazy and survivable crazy. I feel like I have so much catching up to do with what our lives have been like the last couple of weeks... but I have to prioritize, and getting our home put together and our lives a little more routine has to come first. I'm also tackling a sucky cold that just won't leave. Mr. Man just flew back to where we came from to defend his dissertation this week (long story) and at the end of the week I hope for a sense of normalcy. But for anyone wondering (since we are still desperately friend-less), we are fine and we made it! Our home is overwhelmingly beautiful and our town is gorgeous - the kids keep asking if we are staying or if we are on vacation, we feel so blessed to have the opportunity to live here and are looking forward to settling in. BIG BIG thank yous to everyone who helped with our move and "transition" week... it's hard to leave such good friends.