Thursday, September 17, 2009

Growing Pains

So it's happening. After years of waiting and wanting, I have reached a point where I am preparing to go back to school. The story of my going to and stopping school is much too full of drama to even attempt to write on here - and has the potential of hurting others' feelings - so it will remain unwritten: a tragic tale that will be told time and time again until it is twisted and transformed into something trite. At any rate, I stopped. I stopped when I was only 30 credits (two semesters) shy of graduating. It tugged at my very core for quite some time. I can't tell you how many times I looked into and applied to schools where my husband was attending or applying to, or even several online degree programs. It seemed each time I begrudgingly felt that it wasn't the right time, not the right choice for me and my family at that point in our lives. And so I had babies and raised children and knew that someday my time would come. I don't recall when, how or why, but at some point along my journey that tugging stopped. I was at peace about not being in school, and I felt sure of my chosen "profession." I'm so grateful for that peace. I'm glad I stopped caring, worrying and obsessing.

But now all of that has started up again. For many reasons the time has come for me to return to school. And I couldn't care less. And I don't really want to go. I'm going to have to do so much more than those measly thirty credits, and it just seems like so much to invest: time, money, intelligence: isn't there something better I could invest in? And yet I know that in order to be and do what I want to do I need an education - or at least a degree - since I feel rather educated already. And so, in looking into the application process, I am re-questioning what I want to be when I grow up and wondering which route to take. I hate this. I hate that I used to be so sure and now I am wavering. I suppose I'm still in those terrible twenties where many of life's most difficult decisions are made...

My mind's a jumble.

So, internet, what do YOU think I should be when I grow up?

9 comments:

Andrea Hardee said...

I think there can be a huge leap between what we're good at and what we love. I don't know what you love as much I know what I've seen you demonstrate significant talent in.

You should be a pro maker of preschool curricula.

(you have many talents, but that was the one with which I was most impressed)

Ally said...

I think you should write a book! Fiction, of course! I'm running out of things to read. Make sure you add a little bit of romance and TONS of adventure and let me know when you're done.

joy said...

Hands down, teaching.

Shawny said...

I can't really say but do know that going back to school and getting your degree will feel like such an accomplishment no matter what it's in. My mom went back when she was in her 50s to finish the degree she gave up to get married and have children. She was an amazing student and I am so proud of her.

What about child psychology and working in public schools? Or maybe social work?

Whatever it might be, pick something you will enjoy no matter what the job market in that field might be.

Scott and Tisha said...

I can't recommend anything- cause I think you are great as my sister and Aunt and Mother, and my word that is already so many hats to wear. But whatever you choose I know you will do well because I recall being your little sister as we were in school and you always excelled at anything you put your mind to- writing is always a great talent of yours - what were you 14 when you wrote and directed that roadshow? You have a gift- so run with it. Luv ya.

Camie said...

Hi Renee! I think you are already grown up, and that you are excelling in your job. If you feel like you want to finish school, then do something you love learning about, but in my mind, you already have a fabulous career going for you! Good luck, and while you're thinking, I HIGHLY recommend a book called Contentment by Maria Covey Cole. A MUST READ.

MOM said...

Sure love this photo of you and your daughter!!!

lani said...

What an exciting, scary time. Whatever you choose, you will do great at it. Some of your strengths that come to mind are writing, teaching, organizing, serving, and being a great friend. Pick something you love and you'll do great. Can't wait to hear how it goes and what you choose.

Carla said...

Well, apparently the thing you were so sure about isn't what the Lord had in mind for you. I assure you though, he has something much better planned for you.

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