Lifelong Lessons Part II

Mr. Man is the cub master for our community cub scouts. He does a superb job, and has kids from other packs switching to ours because of all the hard work he puts in to making it amazing. Occasionally I help him, and we recently put together a whole night of "gingerbread service" stations where the cubs learned about, and actually served their families, community, and country. The community station consisted of decorating gingerbread boys with all sorts of icing and candies... then putting them on plates to deliver to the local retirement home. You can just imagine the creativity those boys (ages 6-10) let loose on the cute little gingerbread boys! I wish I'd taken pictures!

The next day we were scheduled to deliver the plates of cookies. In the end it was just my two little cub scouts and myself. But it couldn't have been better. The boys weren't thrilled that they had to stop playing legos to go do this, and as I explained to them to speak loudly since these older people can't hear as well, they looked at me and rolled their eyes, and I figured it was just going to be another chore for them to complete.

I was loving it, and kept thinking about how I hoped somebody was bringing cookies decorated by little boys to my Oma in her retirement home. We met some amazing people: from an old NBA player, to people who couldn't believe they could have a whole plate of cookies to themselves! Some of the elderly were completely lucid, and enjoyed the boys thoroughly, others claimed to not have any money and were thrilled at the gift that was given, others turned us away sadly while we lingered longer, trying to at least get a glimpse of a smile. When we were down to only three plates of cookies, we found two sweet ladies in the foyer, then one plate of cookies left for a woman named "Joy" who was overly grateful and told the boys, "I would hug you, but you're boys!" Little E approached her anyways, and then Mr. T and she hugged both of them. A perfect ending to a perfect experience.

No sooner had we left the retirement home and gotten into the car, than the boys started talking non-stop about the whole event! (They had been pretty quiet inside!)
Mr. T couldn't believe how good he felt inside. He was amazed at how cookies could really cheer somebody up and make their day... and couldn't believe that he had been able to be a part of that! He wanted us to go home and make a LOT more cookies right away to give away. He admitted that he had to wipe tears from his eyes a couple of times, and knew that he was feeling the way he was because he was serving. Little E coined it perfectly when he said, "We went to bring them joy, and in the end Joy came to us!" (That boy LOVES to play with words!) While a few people had offered to pay for the cookies, the boys said that they knew they wouldn't have felt as good as they did if they'd been paid. They said they finally understood why Jesus must have been so happy, since he constantly went around serving others, and never asking for anything in return. It was a special moment, hearing my boys openly express their feelings and knowing that they felt inspired to continue to do good.

THAT is what I hope my children will remember about Christmas.

Lifelong Lessons Part I

The manner of giving is worth more than the gift. ~Pierre Corneille, Le Menteur

This Christmas season has been full of the learning many lifelong lessons for our family. St. Nicholas visited our home as per tradition. And he brought with him a lesson to learn. Incidentally I had heard that St. Nick was considering bringing coal to a couple of trouble makers, but instead he brought small gifts including a chocolate letter (of each child's initial), a new bath towel, and a small toy (a transformer for each of the boys, something more grown up for Miss J).

First, a little background.

Little E has only been asking for one specific thing for Christmas... which is good because our kids only get three gifts: gold (what they want most), frankincense (something for their body or mind) and myrrh (something religious). The ONE THING he wants is Optimus Prime. So when he came downstairs on the morning of December 6th and discovered a transformer, but NOT Optimus Prime he was beyond devastated. Completely ungrateful and entirely upset over what he did NOT get. When I told my Mom this story, she ached for her grandson and felt bad that he didn't get what he wanted. Well, as his mother, I felt differently. How dare he be so ungrateful! I sent him back to bed until he could change his attitude, and since he was already bawling his eyes out, bed seemed like a good place to be. Eventually he came back out of his room and grumpily said that he was ready to have his presents now. Thus ensued a wonderful lesson/lecture by Mr. Man about what it means to receive a gift... and in the end, our little boy was told he couldn't open any of his gifts (chocolate letter included) until after school.

The crying started over again and he ran back to his room vowing never to come out, and screaming that he hated St. Nicholas.

Little E has never been a very good gift receiver. We've struggled with finding the perfect gifts for him, well-knowing that he expresses his joy and disappointment equally. We've seen him cry over a new bike, because he really wanted a scooter - and we've been embarrassed when this has happened in front of family and friends who are giving him wonderful gifts. Mr. Man tried to explain about WHY we give gifts, and what it means to receive a gift, and how the gift itself isn't what really matters, but the love and the gratitude of giving and receiving - the relationships that are built when we demonstrate that love.

Sometimes, it is not our ability to give something in return, but our ability to receive the gifts given us that counts. Our relationships are greatly enhanced when we become not only generous givers, but generous receivers as well, people who accept gifts gladly, thankfully, wholeheartedly, with the kind of smile you'll never forget.
Gifts are freely given, whose only reason and purpose is love. It has served its end when it is also received in love. For some, receiving comes naturally, for others it takes effort to be a generous receiver... Mr. Man did a great job explaining all of this to Little E.

Of course, then Mr. Man went to work.

It broke my heart to send my little boy off to school with tears still in his eyes. The only one to have not opened a gift that morning.

And yet, I knew and hoped that he would spend the day remembering, thinking and hopefully learning an important lesson.

Instead of coal, hopefully he'll remember the year his shoe was full, but his hands were empty. (Easy for me to say - since I KNOW what his GOLD gift will be.)


"Gracious acceptance is an art - an art which
most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have
to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting
things, which can be much harder than giving...
Accepting another person's gift is allowing
to express his feelings for you."
- Alexander McCall Smith

Quick Updates - mostly for my Mom!

Still can't get my movies to upload (from science fair, piano recital and taekwondo) but here are some "still" blasts from the recent past:

Rain Gutter Regalia






Science Fair




TaeKwonDo belt testing





Volleyball





Tree Trimming



Playing

Cozy

Winter here has come slowly this year. And I find myself anxious to be snowed in. I love having the fire going, candles burning, soft music playing, and all the kiddos home gathering around. I've tried hard to make our home "cozy" for when everyone gets home at the end of the day. Leaving items out so that the kids feel like they have come up with their own idea or project to do together has worked really well, and I find myself in love with the relationships that are developing and growing as we are stuck inside together. The end of the year and end of semester are drawing to a close, and busyness is upon us... and so I treasure these cozy moments when I try to focus on nothing but family (and making dinner!)

Often I forget, but here are a few shots I've taken of after-school coziness in our home.

Little J's Christmas Wish List

• big gun
• machine gun
• Bumblebee
• mini bazooka
• something for the cat
• mini big rifle

Notice a theme?

Since I Last Blogged...

~we drove up to Canada to visit some family

~we came home to a huge snowstorm and the GT snow racers we had ordered had arrived

~lots of sledding, or "tobogganing" as we Canadians call it

~one kid throwing up all night long

~projects and assignments due

~Cub Scout rain-gutter regala

~parent teacher conferences

~family's new favourite game is Disney's Apples to Apples - and it is played CONSTANTLY

~more snow storms

~Little E got a haircut (just a trim mind you)

~Christmas shopping

~girls night out to see the new Breaking Dawn movie

~bought a HUGE turkey for Thanksgiving

~gave myself a list of what I need to do before I'm allowed to get on the internet... um, yeah... so I didn't much

Mealtime Madness

As a few of us were sitting down to eat breakfast, I was correcting Little E on some of his piano notes he was practicing.

Me: "It's G and F together!"

Little J (always into imitating): "That's right! Make sure you play G and H!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

Little J: "What, Mom? What's so funny?"

Me: "Well, in the musical alphabet, there is no H, it just goes up to G."

Little J: "There's an H in my world... my alphabet goes all the way to J!"

***************************

Then at dinner, the kids asked Mr. Man about what's happening in the news. Boxing champion, Joe Frazier's death brought on a whole discussion about boxing. From how much Mr. Man paid in high school to watch a game, to Muhammad Ali and the fight of the century, to what boxers (and sumo wrestlers) wear, and all the way to Mike Tyson biting Evander Holyfield's ear. As if this whole conversation wasn't interesting enough... we then had a little sex chat, brought on by me asking Mr. Man if Tyson went to jail for the ear biting. "Nope, it was because he raped someone" Mr. Man replied, without thinking through his answer. So then the question, "what's rape?" Mr. Man did an excellent job of answering what it was. Our two older kids, who have had "the talk" and much more, were satisfied. But little E, was confused: "What's sex?" he wondered. The moaning from the older two was hilarious as they told him to enjoy being seven and not even think about it, and then we explained that it was something very special that we would tell him about when he turns eight. Mr. T then turned to Little J and said, very seriously: "You are SO lucky! You still have four more years before you have to learn about sex!"

Spirituality and Religion - more random and jumbled thoughts

The older I get the less judgmental I am, the more open to others I become, and the word "tolerance" takes on a whole new meaning. It bothers me that, in this world, tolerance is an achievement and something we teach and seek for. To me, tolerance, is a pitiful excuse. Acceptance, understanding, empathy, and love would be much better traits to build, reinforce and achieve. I believe in God. And I have felt His love. I have felt His love for me, and I believe that I have felt His love for others as well. Sharing that love, whether or not its Source is known, is monumental for me in my beliefs.

I have read books by authors that resonate with me deeply and spiritually. Eckhart Tolle and Max Lucado are two that have, through their words and insights, brought me closer to God and helped me to feel that love. But right now, I do not believe in a God that only provides a path for some of his children. I believe there are many ways to feel God's love, many ways to worship, love and demonstrate devotion. I believe there are many ways back to God, if you will. And because I am the sort of person who does things all the way, or not at all (100% or nothing), I am having a very hard time accepting a religion that defines itself as the only, one true way and demands its followers to undeniably believe in that one, and only way.

I have found so much peace in my current spiritual journey. And it encompasses so much more than I would ever know how to put into words on the internet. I appreciate all the love and concern that so many of you feel, but I don't feel like I need to be added to your prayers and best wishes. I am happy. Happier than I have been in a very long time. I have peace, light, and the spirituality I need and desire.

My biggest concern, and purpose for bringing this up, is to find a way and a spiritual path for my family that will combine my beliefs with my husband's and a way to teach our children not only what we both believe, but allow them the openness to question and discover for themselves.

I have recently listened to an interesting podcast series: "Raising Children in a Non-Traditional LDS Home" and was inspired by some of the ideas, and extremely put off by others. I am looking for a way, either religious or spiritual, to bring our family together on this journey. Well wishes and advice in that endeavor would be greatly appreciated. And I am happy to have any of you, my dear friends, call or email so we can share ideas and inspiration. Thanks to those who have already done so.

Spirituality and Religion

It's Sunday.

My family is at church.

I'm at home, filling myself spiritually in ways that work for me, and preparing for the week ahead. A week of purposeful parenting above all else, and a desire to feel God's love in my life, and in our home.

I haven't broached the subject of my spiritual journey on this blog, because I truly believe that spirituality is a very personal subject for many. And yet, I love to hear others' stories of how they find peace, happiness, and unity in their family's search for spirituality, whether combined or separated from religion.

Right now, for me personally, my lifelong religion does not bring me the peace and spirituality I desire. Changing my expectations, changing my outlook and beliefs has led me to numerous thoughts and options for myself and my family. And so far, I am still looking, wondering, praying and pondering.

How do you find peace within either spirituality or religion?

odds & ends

Miss J keeps bringing home all sorts of writing on her hands to tell little funny kid stories. After demonstrating her latest, she asked me, "Mom, when you were a little kid, did you used to put markers all over your hands too?"

I replied that I don't think I did. (My mother may correct me!)

And she nodded, prepared for my answer and replied, "I guess that's because markers weren't around when you were a little girl."

I was flabbergasted... how old does she think I am?! She covered up pretty well by saying that she really thought markers were a new invention. Still...

Little J is still extremely sick. He is on a strong antibiotic to try to shrink an abscess on his tonsil... but we may be looking at a little surgery. Time will tell. For now he looks half dead, and sleeps and watches movies a lot and rings a bell whenever he needs me (since he can hardly walk). He's been sick since last Friday. It's been a long week. However, I wanted to share my favourite picture he drew of a jack-o-lantern. It makes me smile so much, I am sending it to Oma in a package, but had to scan it in first, so that I can keep a copy!

Have a happy weekend!

Shopping for Cheapskates

Who doesn't love a good deal, right?! Mr. Man, though, hates it when I announce that I saved $50 but still spent $50. He'd much rather I show him everything I bought and then announce that I spent $3. So it takes shopping to a whole other level.

And we've been getting good at it.

JC Penney coupons for $10 off a $10 purchase - we've gotten it down to spending less than $2 of our money when using those for things already on our "to buy" list.

My latest shopping for free was buying the kids' school pictures. Yes, I know that may sound foreign, because usually I DON'T ever buy the kids school pictures, and even they have gotten used to that. But this year, there was a deal that if you bought any package of school pictures, you would get a $20 coupon to spend at Shutterfly. Grandparents adore books and photo items made from Shutterfly, and so I already knew I would use these coupons for Christmas gifts. So I bought the cheapest package I could ($12) and got my $20 coupons! I feel like someone just gave me $8 to spend (times three). It's a good feeling. And really, these kids do look pretty cute (though stuffy) in their school photos n'est ce pas?

Halloween

Halloween has been a big deal at our house this year. Little J is obsessed with Halloween. He checks Halloween books out of the library year round - a real pain since they can only be checked out for 7 days! He LOVES it. Everywhere we go, I have to limit him to just one Halloween decoration (we've gotten a whole new bin to fit our stash this year!) per stop. He loves all the haunted houses (people who have decorated), he adores going to the pumpkin patch and even has his own pumpkin in his room! He loves it all: ghosts, bats, skeletons, witches... And so it was so sad that our little ninja has been sick and missed out on the Halloween party this weekend AND on trick or treating! It' s going to be so hard for him to wait a whole year for Halloween to come again. Though personally I can't wait to start putting away all the gaudy decor.

Miss J took his little bag around with her to several of the houses to get candy for her sick little brother, but after a few people called her a fibber and didn't believe such a "tall" smurf... she gave up! He was happy with his loot though and paid her nicely. Here's what our kids donned this year... still have to capture the littlest ninja.

Frankenscience

We had a great weekend! A full weekend. I love living in a university town for all that there is to offer (at low cost or free!) Friday evening we all went to the symphony, Saturday we went ice skating and to a fun Halloween party, and Sunday we enjoyed "Frankenscience" hosted by the chemistry department. IT.WAS.PHENOMENAL. All my kids want to be chemistry majors now, and Mr. T - our scientist - has already set up various labs in his bedroom and has been doing science experiments all afternoon! The students were all dressed up, had great hands-on science for the kids to do, told fabulous scary stories and also explained how their "magic" and science happened in an understandable fashion. We will definitely be doing this again each year - I have a feeling it won't be Halloween without it! The kids have brought home slime they made, and ice cream made out of liquid nitrogen is always delish! We had a dinner outing tonight and now to get some rest before Monday.

Fireplace

The fireplace in our house seems like it was an afterthought for the builders. They literally just slammed up a few pieces of tile from our bathroom. It was almost a reason to NOT buy our house. I love a fireplace, but I hated ours. And it was the focal point of our family room! Mr. Man knew he could change it, but it took time to save and figure out exactly what we wanted... and it was worth the wait. Now that the weather is cooling down, we sit around the fireplace with a fire going often, and I couldn't be happier with how this improves the room and the whole feel of our home. Here's the change in pictures:

Outtakes

I got a tripod for my birthday and I finally got to use it as we attempted to take our own family portrait. Several turned out great, but I wanted to share some of the outtakes!

Here Little J ruins the photo:

In this one Miss J has a hair down her face, Little E is making a monkey face or something, and Little J is shooting a pretend bow and arrow... oh, and I just noticed that Mr. Man's eyes are closed! Priceless.
A little windy. (We knocked on this crabby old farmer's door to see if we could take pictures in front of his awesome old barn. He told us we had 5 minutes!)
Mostly it was fun taking pictures with this crazy bunch... and hopefully we can find one we all love and hang it on the wall!