All the negative “boy” attributes have been spinning through my head lately, trying to (and succeeding at) upsetting me. “Another little trouble-maker,” “More speech therapy” and numerous other stereotypical, predisposed and oversimplified (mis)conceptions have been suffocating me. Meanwhile, my two hardy boys have been demonstrating, before my very misconstrued eyes, the very real joys of boys. Day after beautiful spring day, after running around outside playing star wars and super heroes, riding their trikes and getting into poision ivy, I have witnessed my boys’ in this position:
Hot and exhausted, one will usually tell the other he is ready to go inside… the other, not quite ready to retreat nor lose his playmate will suggest “watching”. “Let’s watch” means bringing little chairs just beyond our fence line and sitting quietly pointing their water guns periodically, but mostly sitting silent watching for birds one day, bears the next, squirrels another and even Bantha bear! I love this sight and it has calmed my nerves and enabled me to accept the inevitable addition of another small child who happens to be a boy. I’m grateful for the trust my Heavenly Father is placing in me to raise another one of His children, and I hope I can remember to take the time – more often – to watch; to sit quietly between the hectic instances of life and enjoy the quiet moments that even boys can bring!
4 comments:
Firstly, your pregnancy pics look beautiful! Your boys are so cute- I love those pics, I imagine them in the same position 70 years later. Two old guys in their rockers watching the birds. I was just having the "boys" conversation with a friend of mine. It seems like alot of women I know recently have been having boys. Initially, we wanted a little girl as this is our last time "planning" to get pregnant. I think Masa was much more disappointed than I. Little boys are exciting because they open our eyes about things we never thought about before (dinosaurs really ARE facinating). Yes, they can monsters (why is this?) but I figure all the chasing around keeps us slim and their adventures really teach us about patience, fear and many other things. You could always try again for a little girl :)
Another thing I have been told is that boys generally love their Mama's. You will be definently the Queen in your castle. I just feel for your daughter- the men she brings home to meet the family will have 4 men to reckon with.
What a beautiful post! Refreshing!
It's wonderful to express your honest feelings...it DOES NOT show ingratitude or lack of faith in Heavenly Father's Plan for you and your family. It's human nature...The 24 hours before my ultrasound with baby #4 were the most stressful, excruciating 24 hours of my life; I swear. I was so thrilled to be blessed with another baby and I truly did not want to have bad feelings about another little boy, but I longed for a girl so badly! Obviously, I got my girl, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't express the pain of not ever getting my daughter that would have inevitably been felt. Baby #4 was my last shot.
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
Yeah, about this "you can always try for another" thing. That's what the world record holder's wife with thirteen girls and no boys told him. Maybe the law of large numbers holds, but its the large part that scares me.
Mr. Man
A very sweet post! Thanks for sharing! I can totally relate to these feelings. It took me a few weeks to recover after finding out the twins were 2 more boys in the ultrasound. I felt like crying, but I had to keep a happy face since my other 2 boys were in the room at the time cheering, and I didn't want them to feel valued any less since they happened to be boys. I feel like society in general speaks so negatively of boys, so it's hard to know how to respond and how to enjoy qualities that don't seem to be valued as highly. I frankly can say that I will probably never completely get over the disappointment that I have only boys (I'm not 100% sure I'm done having kids..), but I think that it's completely normal to have ambivalent feelings about the dominantly male household I live in. But still I can say that I love being a mom to my boys, and almost all the time I look at them as Taylor, Connor, Ian, and Chris, little individual people I totally love. So sorry about the disappointment, but it sounds completely understandable.
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