There is a girl here in town that I keep on meeting. I first met her shortly after I had Baby J and our families were hiking on the same trail. We conversed briefly, but I felt an immediate connection, like – you know – I’d like to be friends with this person and family. No introductions were made and we went our ways. Within the next couple of months I saw her everywhere. The grocery store, the library, the local museum… our paths kept crossing, sometimes long enough to have our polite “I’ve seen you before, you’re a Mom like me, chit chat”, but not always. I remember thinking one time that I wish I had a little business card with my name and phone number on it to give her, maybe something cute like “I’m so and so’s Mom and would love to get together for a playdate at the park, call me!” I’ve done pretty bold introductions before, but it just never seemed to come up, it was almost like we knew each other too well at this point, and yet not well enough. Am I starting to sound like a freak to any of you, or do you have any idea what I’m talking about? It’s sort of like those other parents of the kids on your child’s sports team who you have sat beside all season, cheered on each others kids and had your little sideline conversations with and then the season is over and you just might miss one of them. Anyways, crazy or not, whatever you may think, I thought this girl (mother of three) and I seemed to have a lot in common and may have the potential to be good friends.
Our last “sighting” was several months ago, and I had completely forgotten about my would-be friend until I saw her today at McDonalds. The moment I did, I knew I was going to introduce myself and make our friendship official. Unfortunately there was no room for us to eat near her, so we ate on the complete other side totally out of view with no potential for a run-in. However, once my kids were done eating and the playland devoured, our paths crossed. Not only that, we had several conversations. And, I was right. We hit it right off, we have lots in common and we both liked each other’s company a lot. Our husbands are both PhD students except that hers just finished and they’ll be moving for their first job in August. With that news I decided that I didn’t want to have my friendship heart broken again this summer and decided to sever our almost-friendship right there. We agreed that it would be best that way. If we happen to run into each other in our small town this summer we will be more than happy to spend time together, but we’re not going to “try” to be friends. She has enough friends she’s sad about leaving as it is. So there you have it. We could have had a year together, but now we’ve just had moments and no names to attach them to. Should I meet another kindred spirit in the forest again, I think I may have to go home and make up my cute little business card.
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7 comments:
i hope you don't mind me forcing my business card on you and your kids! We both have a year left, so I imagine we can have some good times with each other! It's so sad to see friends go. It's hard to start over again each year!
With all due love and respect (because I do love and respect you!), I just need to say how sad I feel that you would choose not to make friends with someone due to fear of heartache. In my humble opinion (and I speak from my own heart-breaking experiences of losing dear friendships, even recently), I think you should pursue a friendship with her. You never know what treasures she will leave with you-- or you with her. And although you might feel pain and sorrow from it, I would wager that you would not regret it for what you might learn or gain or give.
You may have lost some precious time, but I think it's not too late yet! It is rare to cross paths so often with someone-- so perhaps there is some purpose to it. And it would be a shame to miss out on something really important just to avoid some discomfort or sadness. Our purpose here isn't to be comfortable-- it is to learn and to love! And love shouldn't be avoided, even if pain is interwoven in its fabric.
Thanks for your inspiration!!! There was this mom I met at McDonald's a few weeks ago, and I instantly connected with her. I ended up asking if we could get together sometime at the park or something. She gave me her phone number, and I need to get up the courage to call her and make it happen. I have had some missed opportunities in my life too.
That is the saddest story I've ever heard!!!!!! Few and far between do I find something more valuable than a "kindred spirit"!! They are right next to children and husband! I of myself in my life have only found a couple, both of whom, to my great sorrow and dismay, are probabyly out of my life permanently (I have a couple of wonderfully great and dramatic sob stories) but I still dream about these people regularly even though we haven't talked for years. Maybe as Laney said, make sure that she's not going to haunt your mind or your dreams with what might have been, maybe at least give her your blog address ;) It seems so incredible that every now and then someone who you really don't know can directly touch your heart and be your comfort and close friend immidiately! As for me..... I have yet to find a replacement. :( Good luck my good friend. I STILL enjoy having you in my life ;)
I don't know if you ever can have to many friends!! Especially the kind of friend you thought she would be. Maybe God put her in your path (or the other way around) for a reason?? A lot can happen in two months!
Anyways, I understand not wanting to go through the heartache of losing a friend again. I think that's the reason that I haven't gone out of my way to make friends here.
Aw! That's a sad almost-friend story! You've had to say good-bye to many over the past years, but just think of how our blogs keep us all in touch!
I'm predicting your paths will cross again. Sounds like the friendship is meant to be.
Very interesting story, actually.
I read this the other day and was going to comment, but I got lulled away from the computer. Okay, I know exactly how you feel. It's tough. I have a circle of friends, but they all seem to live far away and I struggle a little breaking into new relationships because I see other mothers working and busy with kids and just assume they don't have time. I think you should go ahead and make friends with that girl even though they are leaving soon, because with blogs, etc, it's still fun to keep in touch with people far away. I made a friend in HI for a summer, then they moved to the Mainland and we've kept in touch for almost 10 years now just via email and now blogging. It's been so great, but hopefully we'll be able to see each other again and the kids can all meet!
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