Monday, June 23, 2008

Lazy Parenting?

I have a list of qualities I want to instill in my children. A visual image of the grown-ups I am trying to create. Fully aware that these spirits come into my home with minds of their own, I am also a big believer in a mother’s molding ability; nature and nurture. I won’t bore you with my list, but “work” is definitely on it. I used to word it as “love to work” but now I’ll settle for “hard-working” whether they love it or not. I’ve used a multitude of methods for this specific molding and have found that this will take constant never-ceasing effort, in effect, a lot of WORK. But I also think that in the sole fact that I have this expectation, I am raising the likelihood that this value will stick (also, Mr. Man is the hardest worker I know, so genetically they have to have a bit of a pre-disposition for it).

Today, as I sat in the van with a crew of sleeping kids (camping is still killing us)while Mr. Man ran into the grocery store real quick for a couple of items I saw something shocking. I watched as a mother of a pre-teen spent forever re-loading her groceries from her cart into her car. She was also removing all of the cold/frozen items and maneuvering them into a cooler. Her son spent the time sitting in the hot vehicle looking bored. I was appalled that he wasn’t helping with what was apparently going to be his nourishment for the next week or so. I wondered if I was the only parent whose kids not only put the groceries in the van, but carry them in the house and put them away as well. Am I mean? Are my kids slaves? (Obviously.) Or am I teaching them? I then watched as this woman lazily left her cart in the middle of two parking spots (when she was only 10 feet away from a car corale) and drove away (while I secretly wished she had backed into her own cart). Lazy. My awake child noticed and was as disgusted as I was. At least I know I’m passing on my type A.

I have no point to these ramblings, just some thinking I’ve been doing. Right now my kids have their expected daily job, they help clear the table after meals if they expect to eat the next one, and I have a slew of jobs hanging that they can do if they expect to make any money this summer. I expect them to help me as I parent them, the more they do, the lazier I can be, right? What are your expectations?

(This is what I call "cheap" labor - don't tell them!)

7 comments:

Kendra said...

I thank my mom to this day for making me do it till it was done right! Now, thats what I expect from my kids and I hope it will make them, at least, not lazy :) In our house you're expected to help out, it's part of being a family. Now's the time to teach it or else our teenagers will be staring at us while we put groceries away! Now that the kids are older I'm really taking advantage.... they change loads of laundry, wash my dishes, set/clear table, clean my bathrooms...oh so many things! I'm trying to get all I can out of them while they think its fun:) I'm still working on Emma changing Isaac's diapers for me... she won't budge!

Jennifer said...

It is oh so fascinating how some people never "get" the hard work thing. I am always curious if their parents "got" it? If their siblings "got" it? If they were just always lucky and never had to get it?

I have had those adorable lady bug clothespins in my drawer forever. I got them at IKEA and was saving them for the perfect thing and thanks to you I now have the perfect thing to use them for :)

Great idea.

Shawny said...

My parents definitely got it. It was called, let's move our family to a farm to teach them to work! That they did, and it was quite successful. I may not move my family to experience a "farm" but do agree that every member must earn their keep so to speak. It's fun to see little kids want to take out the garbage, do the dishes, or sweep the floor. Somehow, though, they never seem to think picking up thier toys is much fun!

Anne Marie said...

I am with you on this one...I think your kids will really benefit from all the work you have them do. I have been reading this book called "Nation of Wimps" which spends a little time talking about how many kids in our current world are expected to play sports and perform academically, but have no idea how to vacuum or do laundry. Creating a sense of community and cooperation by working together in the family is one of the best things we can do for our kids.

Shauna said...

Love it and Love cheap labor. Too bad it takes me longer to teach them how to scrub the kitchen counters than for me to actually do it myself. I am a big believer in instilling a good work ethic. A little work didn't ever hurt anyone right?

Carla said...

Yeah, this is one I REALLY struggle with! I'm lazy! It takes more work, creativity, and PATIENCE than I care to put into it. But yes, I do NOT want to raise children who expect me to do it all for them. For now, what we absolutely DO expect is for our children to be polite, helpful, and respectful. Chad has Chloe thank me for cooking dinner, even if I do it every other day. This post has certainly given me some motivation to focus on ways that I, with my "perfectionism", can stand to let my daughter help.

Laurie said...

I love your money jobs wall. I'm going to make one for my kids. I just posted about chores today. Funny that we think somewhat alike. (Did you get my invite, by the way?) I love it when my kids work and to have them work along side of me are some of my most treasured moments, especially my older ones because this is when we talk, really talk! Keep doing it. Reading your post made me recommit to my own kids chores.

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