I announced to my husband this morning that I was thinking of ending my blogging experience. Later, in the same day, I took on Very Mom’s challenge to blog every single day for the month of November. What is wrong with me? Am I a schizo or what?! While that is not an opened ended question upon which we’re going to debate, the fact of the matter remains that I have had to do some thinking about what I want out of blogging and where I fit in the blogosphere.
Lately I’ve been feeling a lot like a lame Mommy-blogger. Don’t get me wrong, I adore many Mommy-bloggers, the key word in that sentence is LAME. According to my blog, as of late my life and thoughts have revolved around absolutely nothing and so I’ve had to constantly post cute little nothings spoken or performed by my three little monkeys. Again, nothing wrong with cute little nothings... my point is that I’ve been thinking too much about what people reading my blog will think and so I haven’t wanted to post what I’m really thinking.
Years ago when I spent time and research on my writing and exchanged it for straight A’s I wrote an essay on Emerson’s The American Scholar. I am passionate about his theory of the state of Man Thinking or as I now like to label it, Mom Thinking – in short someone who can be described as a “more thinker” versus a “mere thinker” or a “mirror thinker”. I won’t enlighten you any further, though my writing about this demonstrates that I’m attempting to cease to care what those reading this think (since I know of at least one of you rolling your eyes in complete boredom!) My point is, how many times do we catch ourselves apologizing for allowing our minds to wander? How often are we embarrassed to admit to or suggest a new idea? Why do we fear the greatness and the magic that lies within? Mom Thinking has no such doubts and makes no such excuses. Mom Thinking lives life to the fullest. She does not only think… she does more. Mom thinking acts.
Afraid of acting, I’ve hidden behind a curtain anxious, like others, of hurting yet another someone with my thoughts and words. (Sorry again.) I’ve lurked on many a blog. Not commenting either because I feel I have nothing of worth to say, no time to say it, or am simply in awe of what others are able to say while I remain silent. I feel ashamed and embarrassed of my insignificant voice on my blog and don’t want it to be traced. But many of you have inspired me and made me want to try harder; to shed my shell of shyness. I believe that when one cannot be an individual, one is more in bondage than any slave is. If none of us would want to reveal who we really are, are we just portraying ourselves as individuals; is our individuality only skin-deep?
My thinking may not make sense to any of you, but I invite you on my journey. I also am interested to see how many of you will write to write and do so EVERY SINGLE DAY OF NOVEMBER. At least you get to post a cute little picture of Yoda if you agree to try!
7 comments:
Renee, you're amazing. You've hit the nail on the head. I currently have two blogs and in neither is my real self on display. I wonder what it would take to really pull me out of me and write about it? haha! What an adventure you've challenged us all to.
Good insights, Renee. I'd love to hear more of what you're thinking.
Don't stop blogging!!!!! I love reading everything you post and to have just a little insight into your life as you're living halfway across the country and we haven't seen each other in 5 years or so.
I think this is like anything in life, we're our own worst critic. Often times, when I worry about what others think, I ask myself if I'm judgmental in similar situations and most often the answer is, NO! I don't judge others blogs but just appreciate their taking the time to update their audience (my family being my biggest fans). I take comfort in hoping that others are doing the same for me and that they'd rather read what I feel like posting than nothing at all.
Blog on My Many Coloured Days, Blog on! Some of us (ahem) might just learn something from you along the way. I know I already have.
Okay--I forgot to mention when you were here tonight that I will commit to write more often and more honestly in November. Although, my blog is pretty uncensored as it is. Did you read the 'hair removal' entry?? That's about as deep as my thoughts get!
Hey, Renee -- you can't quit blogging! I love your blog. But ... it doesn't matter what I think! :-)
Thanks for the challenge. I'm considering.
You go!
I'll think about it.
Renee, it is really hard to settle on a blog "audience" and then wonder if anyone is reading it at all. I empathize on that whole heartedly. It is hard. But not a reason to stop!
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