Interference

Parenting is hard. Some things have gotten easier, or more comfortable, but all in all it's a career and life path that will constantly change and challenge. Knowing when to step in, when to interfere, is something I struggle with. We're not afraid to let our children work, we want them to experience pain and disappointment now so that they learn how to deal with those feelings while they are young and while we can help them work through it. And yet there are still those heartstrings that are tugged when you allow them to live through what you know you could step in and make all better. And knowing when to step in and do so, is hard.

I wish that like in sports, there was a referee who would just yell out "INTERFERENCE" when I do so at an inappropriate time, or some sort of blinking light to warn me, stop me or encourage me to interfere. And yet, no... I guess I'm learning about pain and disappointment too.

Remember all the health issues we've been through with Mr. T? Anyone who has a child with health issues knows how vital it is to be an extreme advocate for your child. Necessary with any child, but absolutely vital when health issues are at hand. Stepping in and interfering, researching and fighting for your child become as day-to-day as feeding them. We're lucky now that his needs are much less, and that he's more able to communicate to others when his health or rights are being infringed upon. Recently, with the new school year, there was an issue that desperately required interference. I interfered, and it's taken care of.

However, Mr. T saw that as just the beginning. Daily he's been bringing home gripes of one kind of another about unfair treatment from teachers, and can't believe that not only will I NOT interfere, but I agree with his teachers and support the "unfair" treatment. He didn't do his homework and left it at home and so he missed a recess. I have huge issues about children missing recess due to poor behavior (since they obviously NEED a recess to get some wiggles out), but not when he was told ahead of time what the consequence was for not bringing back his homework. Good lesson learned early, is what I told him. If his papers come back to school ripped or wet, he has to sing in front of the class. Quickly he has learned to use tape to fix small tears and to utilize the folder that keeps papers straight and protected. He thinks it's completely unfair that if he were to leave his chair out, he loses his chair for the day... convinced he will be left standing the entire school year. I told him that it shouldn't be a problem for him, just don't leave your chair out! But the fact that he comes to me, hoping, insisting, and expecting that I will step in, worries that I've interfered too much before for too little.

Of course this morning I got a call from a friend who was with another one of my kids in front of the school, and this child was crying relentlessly over an issue with an adult yelling at him on the way to school. These are moments I feel like I should interfere.

Is each moment going to be different? How can I know? Hopefully I'll trust my mom-gut and not land my children in too much therapy later.

Love THIS article on that topic:How to Land Your Kid in Therapy