I blame COSTCO

Chocolate covered raisins should NOT be sold in bulk.

And Costco should NOT have given me a sample of these, EVER.

This is what the bin looks like on day 4 at my house. I could blame the kids... but they've had mere rations.

I had a follow-up with my doctor. It turns out I'm still slightly crazy almost a year into being medicated with happy pills. (And no, I'm not referring to the chocolate covered raisins... or "raisins covered in chocolate" as Costco calls them.) Follow-ups and doctors and depression are a whole other post, for which I cannot blame Costco.

~wishing life were easier

Pictures

This little pirate has been into taking pictures lately.
Well for a long time really, but recently he's been sneaking around and using my camera without asking. Today he brought it to me cracked and dented. Thank heavens it is still working... the fact that he's had 104 degree fever the last few nights help with my wrath.

Here are just a sampling of his recent shots:
Not sure what it means that he took an exponential amount of photos of my behind. (Eye level shots apparently.) I'm thinking I should sit on him and squish him if he touches my camera again. I also have an idea for Christmas now. (For him and maybe for me!)

In case of fire...

One of our cub scouts was giving the rest of us a lesson on fire safety. He began with a pre-assessment, asking what we knew. He had one slight misconception to rectify as one of his siblings insisted that in case of fire you should STOP, JUMP, and ROLL! Picture with actions and you will imagine how the rest of the family joined in!

and then he smiles

My easiest baby has turned into my hardest child (for now).

I am trying to remind myself about all the good things about this boy.

He is pushing me to my limits right now.

His third grade teacher is strict and, according to him, mean. He explains her classroom as a place where he can't even smile, lest he appear to be having fun - which would mean he's not working or learning.

And so a part of me wants to give him more leniency at home because I know he's struggled to meet expectations all day long. But leniency is equating an increase in laziness.

How do I encourage him to do the little things without constantly nagging? How can I get him to accept responsibility instead of continuously tattling on his siblings or passing along the blame to somebody else? Nothing seems to phase this boy in terms of consequences. When I finally find the right "threat" he breaks down, cries his eyes out in his room and basically goes on strike from doing anything. He can be so mean to his siblings... often pushing them to tears, and the lack of respect I'm feeling is beginning to mount. Should I let him quit piano lessons? Should I let his room stay a disaster zone until he can't find anything and chooses to clean it?

I am struggling at parenting this boy.

I love him. And after a hard day, as I cuddle him in his bed and he smiles, I know he loves me too... even though I don't remember the last time I heard him say it.

Employed

I recently acquired a little part-time job. It's no big deal, but as someone who has been unemployed for what feels like centuries, I want to jump up and down and squeal every time I think about it. I was asked to apply for the position and was recommended by a professor who described me as an exceptional student - go me, right! The interviews were simple and sweet and now I am an undergraduate TA (teacher's assistant) to one of my favorite professors from last year. Basically I do her dirty work - grading and such, but will also be subbing for her when she has other obligations during her class time. Last weekend I started grading, editing, papers. Oh my. It's tedious work, but also interesting. Mr. T saw me grading and asked what I was doing. I explained to him my new little job. Of course he was interested in what I was being paid and couldn't believe I was making so much: $9.06 an hour (gotta love that extra six cents)! While the extra money is a bonus, I'm mostly doing this for my resume. However, after asking how many hours I had already worked, Mr. T announced to everyone: "Don't bug Mom! She just made 27 dollars and several cents!" In his eyes, I am a millionaire. And because I am his mother, I feel like one.

Project Follow-Up

We started a new project on Saturday (our fireplace), which reminded me to update one of our last projects: THE BASE.

Remember several weeks ago when we started building together?

Now "the base" is used daily.
Each of the kids asked for different specifications, and we met as many as we could.

Our plan was to mostly build upwards and make use of a smaller spot of our backyard. This is what we finished up with, and since we were able to use mostly the wood from our old deck that we re-did last year, we only spent around $40 on this fun project.
I am so glad that Mr. Man is a master at projects! However, I do think we have spent more dates in home improvement stores than anywhere else!
Seeing my kiddos playing together warms my heart.

"I'm not your friend; I'm your mother"

I love my kids to pieces. Even when there are moments where I don't necessarily "like" them, moments where I wish they would just disappear (with their whining) for a few minutes, and moments when I don't want to claim them (and their rotten behavior) as belonging to me, I still love them. Lots.

And I assume, for the most part, that other parents feel the same way I do.

We would do anything for our kids. And yet there are some things we know they must do for themselves.

It's hard for me, then, to watch some children and parents around me and realize that the relationships seem so different from what I experience with my own children. I see parents who are buying everything and anything their kids want, including the latest technology and hideously grown-up scandalous clothing. I watch parents turning a blind eye to how their children are treating others, and then encouraging behavior that definitely makes their child (and them) seem more popular... but at what cost? These parents often blame the industries. The people who make the clothing their children want to wear are the ones crossing the line, and the music industry that allows such language and sexual connotations in music for pre-teens should be held responsible. That's just the way the world is now, they insist. And their children love them. How could they not? They are their best friends and enablers.

I hope I don't seem too judgmental. Really I feel like I'm observing and trying to make sense of this new stage of parenting a pre-teen that I'm entering into. But, yes, it bothers me.

I'm looking for my children to have friends whose parents will put their foot down and insist on being treated with respect. I want my children to have playdates in homes where a parent will not only "be there" but be aware. I hope the friends that my children have will be tech savvy and shop with them and listen to music, but in a responsible way because that's what they know is expected of them. And I hope that as I share my beliefs and enforce our family's standards, my kids will occasionally slam the door, angrily pout about what they don't have, and even scream at me that "it's not fair, everybody else is doing it!" I hope that my actions, expectations and affection will speak louder than my words... though I am sure I will be heard to say "I'm not your friend; I'm your mother."

Dormez-Vous?

I spend a good part of my days helping this little dude load his guns. Then he shoots me and I re-load. Yes, I see the problem with this.
Not long ago he shot me, and nothing happened. His quick response:
"I got a sleeping dart!"

Dinner Table Conversations

Some dinner conversations are more lively than others.
Inevitably, each night Mr. Man is asked by one of the kids, "So, what's in the news?"
The other night we never made it to that point, and I wanted to highlight some of the conversation that took place. It was a keeper and Mr. Man and I found ourselves laughing more than eating.

Background: I had tried a new recipe and asked for the kids to rate the dinner out of 5 stars. Also, Miss J is in the middle of trying out and selecting an instrument for school. Lastly, we recently found out about a great deal where we can purchase a family pass to go to all of the dress rehearsals for our town's orchestra, and we are looking forward to taking the kids to some, and having some for date night.

Mr. T: "This is so good. I give it five stars."

Little E: "I don't like it."

Me: "So would you give it one star then?"

Little E: "Nope. No stars."

Miss J: "I can't decide if I'm going to play violin or flute for band/orchestra."

Mr. Man: "Why is it called band/orchestra."

Miss J: "Because an instrument is either in a band or an orchestra. Brass is band, string is orchestra."

Mr. Man: "That's not exactly true. There are brass instruments in orchestra."

Mr. T: "What's an orchestra?"

Me: "Oh wow! You're going to get to find out really soon."

Mr. Man: "That's right, Mr. T - you are going to be cultured whether you like it or not."

Mr. T: "What's cultured mean?"

Little E: "It means tortured. We're already being tortured eating this food."

It's impossible to capture the moments. But I had to at least try!

We've been getting a KICK out of these:

Kid History - Episode 6 - by BoredShortsTV
Find more episodes on YOUTUBE.
Fun for the whole family!!!

Much Ado

We took labor day weekend to labor heavily. Finishing some of our main landscaping goals and fixing things that come with home ownership. There are many sore muscles at our home now... but some great rewards from all our work.

In bullets, here was our weekend:

• rock climbing as a family
• woodstone (this needs an explanation later)
• family movie night
• tackling a $500 job of raising our sinking concrete walkway (Mr. Man and I... and that means we saved ourselves $500!!!)
  
• digging up grass
• building our vegetable garden box (for next year)
  
• putting in an island on our lawn
• digging up grass
• putting in a landscaping area around the utilities boxes on our lawn (still need to fill it in)
• buying dirt to fill all these spots
• digging up grass (have I mentioned this tedious job?)
  
• putting in some bushes
• lots of clean up and shoveling dirt and sod all over the place
• hiking
• dinner with friends

Amidst all of our hard work, Mr. Man and I also took off to see Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing" at our beautiful old theater downtown. It was the final showing of the summer tour and was FREE and absolutely hilarious. The setting of the play was Charleston, NC right before the Civil War. Very well done and a nice outing for the two of us. I managed to sneak away another time and see "The Help" yet again... but don't worry, Mr. Man had plenty of early morning bike rides up in the mountains.

I have gained a ton of weight recently and am trying to be better about exercising and watching what I eat. I eat chocolate almost every day and am now going on 2 days without. Sad, but true how hard this is. Feeling my muscles so much this weekend was kind of invigorating... hopefully I worked off a few calories too.

So that's it. Much ado about nothing really.

Shy

{circa 2008}

As a young child I was painfully shy. I don't think that all of that shyness will ever go completely away. While my confidence has developed, my social skills increased, I am still at times a shy child trapped in an adult's body.

We seem to move regularly and I am usually the last in the family to make friends. The really good kinds of friends, not just "meet the neighbors" kind. (Though sometimes neighbors can become those good friends!) It takes me a while, but it's always been worth the wait. I have been continually blessed with some of the greatest people in the world as friends. And maybe that's why I think of those few, from everywhere I've lived, quite often. You stick out. You left an impression on me, and gosh darn it I miss you.

Little E had one of those forms to fill out at school that asked "How do you feel about coming back to school?" He replied so honestly that I had immediate empathy: "I feell shi about going to scool becuse I mit not be abl to see my old friends." I get it. And I hope he has not only my shyness but my blessing of good friends, because then it will be worth the wait.

Interference

Parenting is hard. Some things have gotten easier, or more comfortable, but all in all it's a career and life path that will constantly change and challenge. Knowing when to step in, when to interfere, is something I struggle with. We're not afraid to let our children work, we want them to experience pain and disappointment now so that they learn how to deal with those feelings while they are young and while we can help them work through it. And yet there are still those heartstrings that are tugged when you allow them to live through what you know you could step in and make all better. And knowing when to step in and do so, is hard.

I wish that like in sports, there was a referee who would just yell out "INTERFERENCE" when I do so at an inappropriate time, or some sort of blinking light to warn me, stop me or encourage me to interfere. And yet, no... I guess I'm learning about pain and disappointment too.

Remember all the health issues we've been through with Mr. T? Anyone who has a child with health issues knows how vital it is to be an extreme advocate for your child. Necessary with any child, but absolutely vital when health issues are at hand. Stepping in and interfering, researching and fighting for your child become as day-to-day as feeding them. We're lucky now that his needs are much less, and that he's more able to communicate to others when his health or rights are being infringed upon. Recently, with the new school year, there was an issue that desperately required interference. I interfered, and it's taken care of.

However, Mr. T saw that as just the beginning. Daily he's been bringing home gripes of one kind of another about unfair treatment from teachers, and can't believe that not only will I NOT interfere, but I agree with his teachers and support the "unfair" treatment. He didn't do his homework and left it at home and so he missed a recess. I have huge issues about children missing recess due to poor behavior (since they obviously NEED a recess to get some wiggles out), but not when he was told ahead of time what the consequence was for not bringing back his homework. Good lesson learned early, is what I told him. If his papers come back to school ripped or wet, he has to sing in front of the class. Quickly he has learned to use tape to fix small tears and to utilize the folder that keeps papers straight and protected. He thinks it's completely unfair that if he were to leave his chair out, he loses his chair for the day... convinced he will be left standing the entire school year. I told him that it shouldn't be a problem for him, just don't leave your chair out! But the fact that he comes to me, hoping, insisting, and expecting that I will step in, worries that I've interfered too much before for too little.

Of course this morning I got a call from a friend who was with another one of my kids in front of the school, and this child was crying relentlessly over an issue with an adult yelling at him on the way to school. These are moments I feel like I should interfere.

Is each moment going to be different? How can I know? Hopefully I'll trust my mom-gut and not land my children in too much therapy later.

Love THIS article on that topic:How to Land Your Kid in Therapy