"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all"

Have you ever been told this?  Ever heard yourself remind another?

I grew up with a father who instilled in us to think before we spoke.  We should ask ourselves three questions about what we want to say: 1) Is it kind?  2) Is it true?  3) Is it necessary?

I obviously sucked at this, because I have pages and pages of weekly goals where THIS was the goal.  I'm not sure I've improved either.  I do try.  I hear those questions in my mind quite frequently... does that count?  Often I can comply with one or two of the recommended screenings, I often have true and necessary statements, and I pretty much have "TRUE" under my belt without any problems.  But I'm starting to wonder if these restrictions are necessary in life.  As I try to teach my children to be polite, I also want to teach them to stand up for themselves and speak their minds.  Not always a kind thing to do.  When I look at politicians or leaders around us, I rarely see those questions being thought out before mouths are opened.  Do we need to disregard the "nice" rule in order to get somewhere in the world?  Do I want my children to be slaughtered and disregarded, but simultaneously known as the "nice kid"?  I'm racking my brain as I try to figure out what I want to instill and enforce. 

I also had a moment recently where I was definitely the villain when it comes to the spoken word.  We had a mishap with a missing helmet at school.  A storm was coming, and I was rushing the "loser" (referring to the act of losing the bike helmet, not my feelings towards the individual at the time of course... that wouldn't be nice) to look again so that we could bike home, or else we would have to leave the bike and just use our legs to get home.. quickly.  That child of mine went back and looked in the spot they were SURE they had left the helmet, convinced that SOMEBODY had stolen it.  So then we checked the lost and found.  It was starting to rain by now.  A neighbor boy happened upon our predicament and stated that he has seen the lost helmet in the playground during recess and that kids had been kicking and playing with it.  He was sure that the "loser" had left the helmet out front at the start of school and forgotten to put it in the cubby that it had presumably been stolen from.  My child was adamant that the neighbor was lying and that this couldn't be possible since it had for sure gone to the cubby.  I forced my child to go look where the neighbor boy had said, while the sad neighbor boy tried to convince me that he REALLY was telling me the truth.  He was so sad, I told him that of course I believed what he was saying and then admitted that my child wasn't very responsible so I really believed what he was saying about the helmet being left out.  Well a child who must be friend's with my child overheard and yelled at me that my child was too responsible!  I felt awful.  Admitted that my child really was responsible, but just wasn't in this case.  It started hailing at this point.  The helmet had been left outside just as the neighbor boy had said. So what I said was true.  Just not kind or really necessary. 

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.