About two months ago I was having a really fabulous time parenting, and was feeling a bit proud of how smoothly it was all going. I admit, I even had thoughts (crazy thoughts, yet thoughts nonetheless) about writing a book about parenting, specifically parenting elementary school-age kids. I felt like a lot of what we were doing as a family was working, and that I, in fact, had some valuable secrets I could share. I think that as these thoughts fluttered by, the good Lord thought it a perfect opportunity to put some parenting trials in my way. In the last couple of months I feel like I have had some real parenting struggles thrown in my way from every child, direction, and form possible. It has not been pretty. And gone are any semblance of knowledge of parenting secrets, instead I've struggled as a mother and questioned much of my parenting. This is hard work people.
Last week was a killer, especially as I deal with the dreaded disease of "lying." We've got bad words coming out of little mouths, mean things being spoken, problems at school, and just overall not getting along. Especially me and my daughter. Seriously. I've had a few days where Mr. Man has had to do the honors of tucking in because I just couldn't stand being around someone who had just said such hurtful things about me or treated me the way she had. Sounds bad, I know. I decided eons ago that I would never let my feelings get hurt by a child, and suddenly kaboom... I've allowed myself to be hurt. Parenting hurts.
In the midst of trying to not feel like a complete failure, I have also been working on letting go. And in all of life's recent parenting dilemmas, I've enjoyed the small escape that comes in watching the new show "Parenthood." I am not a big TV watcher, but this one has been fun. Made me cry, made me giggle, made me NOT look forward to EVER having teenagers! You need to watch ALL of the previous episodes! Last night's episode featured lying - which is what I needed. It also posed the question, "What's a mother's biggest problem?" and answered it with "daughters." And I needed to know I wasn't alone in those feelings. And I needed to laugh and let go.
So, any suggestions on books dealing with parenting elementary school age children?
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6 comments:
Oh the ups and downs of parenthood!! Sometimes it can be downright discouraging, even to the most capable of parents! I still think you should write your book--I would buy it for sure!
I'm voting that you write the book...it would be great! You're a super mom!
Indeed parenting is HARD work. Opa often warned me that when your chilldren are little, you have little problems to deal with and when they are big, there are big problems. You are not alone, help is only a prayer away. I believe the key is unconditional love for each of our children. Usually the one that is the hardest to love at different times is the one that needs our love the most at that particular time. And that is not always easy to do.
I remember pre-teen and teenage daughters giving us a hard time once-upon-a-time.
We read all the parenting books we could get our hands on. The only problem was everything we tried from the books hardly ever worked.
You see, the child doesn't read the book at the same time so never knows what they are supposed to do when you as the parent try out the latest super-duper new and improved parenting technique.
The best parenting techniques mostly came down to:
1. Loving them irregardless because many of the actions and words they gave were reactive to their life experiences and not US;
2. Checking out our emotions at the back door because you'll ache longer than you need to otherwise;
3. ...and all this SHALL pass.
Finally, what I DO know is that one challenging pre-teen I once knew is, and is becoming, a far better parent than we were to them.
Oh, and that parenting book? Make it a parent comfort book versus and instructional one. Allow the sharing of experiences and feelings to come from others so that parents the world over can know they are not alone.
We're rooting for you.
Love, Dad
LOL! love it and thanks for sharing! funny how life works like that--keeps us humble i guess.
I must say that the comments from your parents are beautiful. I wish that I had that kind of encouragement and love from my parents.
Parents like yours give me hope to be a better parent and I try to learn from their example.
I could feel their love as they wrote you.
I have been following your blog since your brother served here on his mission. I can tell you have both been taught well. Please don't feel discouraged about yourself. As changes come along for children it is hard for them to adjust and they act very different. Just keep being stable and loving and firm. THey really don't mean the ugly things they say to you.
YOu have been an example to me as I have read your blog and learned about you from Elder Saunderson.
one of my most used piece of advice about having kids (I have 5- oldest is 18) is....every stage ends... good and bad. So enjoy the good ones and edure the bad ones. It never stays the same.
And please dont' feel worried about teenagers. My two teenagers are the funnest and most wonderful people that I know. (I have 3 more to go.. so check back in on me to see if that statement holds true.hahah) Mostly - hold tight to the Lord. He will ease your pains and struggles.
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