Recently

Kids say funny things, and I always think in the moment that I'll remember them... and then I don't. I used to be better at recording these. Here's some of the fun things my kids have said and done recently.

The weather has demanded we have a sit by the fire in our comfy clothes and watch a movie kind of day... just started it and Little E informed me as the previews began, that "This isn't the movie, it's just a P-Q." The Toddler then added, "and then the R-S-T-U-V Mommy." Love them.

In the car ride to school the morning the kids were discussing how there had been a car pulled over by a police officer in the school zone yesterday. All had various tid-bits to add: the car was red, the police officer had a gun, and surprisingly IT WAS A LADY DRIVER. I spoke up for my gender as the three boys (one neighbor) insisted that it was such a shock that a lady would be speeding. "Why, don't women drive fast?" They were appalled, "No!" "Never!" My neighbor had many a story of his dad speeding; none of his mother. It made me laugh, and sort of want to drive fast.

The other night Mr. T came up to me, dressed from head to toe in pirate gear and asked, "Be this the Irish Main, or Bora Bora?" Cracked me up. He remained serious and asked me a second time. I told him, laughing hard, to hold still while I got the camera! (I had just been cleaning out the Harry Potter closet - toy disaster - and had pulled out all the dress-up which became the new obsession of the night! Crazy kids!)

Enough Already

It's almost May...

... I'm considering hibernating.

Parenthood

About two months ago I was having a really fabulous time parenting, and was feeling a bit proud of how smoothly it was all going.  I admit, I even had thoughts (crazy thoughts, yet thoughts nonetheless) about writing a book about parenting, specifically parenting elementary school-age kids.  I felt like a lot of what we were doing as a family was working, and that I, in fact, had some valuable secrets I could share.  I think that as these thoughts fluttered by, the good Lord thought it a perfect opportunity to put some parenting trials in my way.  In the last couple of months I feel like I have had some real parenting struggles thrown in my way from every child, direction, and form possible.  It has not been pretty.  And gone are any semblance of knowledge of parenting secrets, instead I've struggled as a mother and questioned much of my parenting.  This is hard work people.

Last week was a killer, especially as I deal with the dreaded disease of "lying."  We've got bad words coming out of little mouths, mean things being spoken, problems at school, and just overall not getting along.  Especially me and my daughter.  Seriously.  I've had a few days where Mr. Man has had to do the honors of tucking in because I just couldn't stand being around someone who had just said such hurtful things about me or treated me the way she had.  Sounds bad, I know.  I decided eons ago that I would never let my feelings get hurt by a child, and suddenly kaboom... I've allowed myself to be hurt.  Parenting hurts.

In the midst of trying to not feel like a complete failure, I have also been working on letting go.  And in all of life's recent parenting dilemmas, I've enjoyed the small escape that comes in watching the new show "Parenthood."  I am not a big TV watcher, but this one has been fun.  Made me cry, made me giggle, made me NOT look forward to EVER having teenagers!  You need to watch ALL of the previous episodes!  Last night's episode featured lying - which is what I needed.  It also posed the question, "What's a mother's biggest problem?" and answered it with "daughters."  And I needed to know I wasn't alone in those feelings.  And I needed to laugh and let go. 

So, any suggestions on books dealing with parenting elementary school age children?

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all"

Have you ever been told this?  Ever heard yourself remind another?

I grew up with a father who instilled in us to think before we spoke.  We should ask ourselves three questions about what we want to say: 1) Is it kind?  2) Is it true?  3) Is it necessary?

I obviously sucked at this, because I have pages and pages of weekly goals where THIS was the goal.  I'm not sure I've improved either.  I do try.  I hear those questions in my mind quite frequently... does that count?  Often I can comply with one or two of the recommended screenings, I often have true and necessary statements, and I pretty much have "TRUE" under my belt without any problems.  But I'm starting to wonder if these restrictions are necessary in life.  As I try to teach my children to be polite, I also want to teach them to stand up for themselves and speak their minds.  Not always a kind thing to do.  When I look at politicians or leaders around us, I rarely see those questions being thought out before mouths are opened.  Do we need to disregard the "nice" rule in order to get somewhere in the world?  Do I want my children to be slaughtered and disregarded, but simultaneously known as the "nice kid"?  I'm racking my brain as I try to figure out what I want to instill and enforce. 

I also had a moment recently where I was definitely the villain when it comes to the spoken word.  We had a mishap with a missing helmet at school.  A storm was coming, and I was rushing the "loser" (referring to the act of losing the bike helmet, not my feelings towards the individual at the time of course... that wouldn't be nice) to look again so that we could bike home, or else we would have to leave the bike and just use our legs to get home.. quickly.  That child of mine went back and looked in the spot they were SURE they had left the helmet, convinced that SOMEBODY had stolen it.  So then we checked the lost and found.  It was starting to rain by now.  A neighbor boy happened upon our predicament and stated that he has seen the lost helmet in the playground during recess and that kids had been kicking and playing with it.  He was sure that the "loser" had left the helmet out front at the start of school and forgotten to put it in the cubby that it had presumably been stolen from.  My child was adamant that the neighbor was lying and that this couldn't be possible since it had for sure gone to the cubby.  I forced my child to go look where the neighbor boy had said, while the sad neighbor boy tried to convince me that he REALLY was telling me the truth.  He was so sad, I told him that of course I believed what he was saying and then admitted that my child wasn't very responsible so I really believed what he was saying about the helmet being left out.  Well a child who must be friend's with my child overheard and yelled at me that my child was too responsible!  I felt awful.  Admitted that my child really was responsible, but just wasn't in this case.  It started hailing at this point.  The helmet had been left outside just as the neighbor boy had said. So what I said was true.  Just not kind or really necessary. 

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.

Landing

I'm understanding more and more why it's called "the landing"...

Long Day

{3:00pm}

Overheard

Little E:  "I'm going to be a cowboy when I grow up.  I already decided.  And I'm going to have tons of horses."

Miss J: "I'm going to be an ordinary person but I'm going to have horses too."

Little E:  "What kind of person are you going to be?"

Miss J:  "Ordinary.  Like normal.  But I'm going to have horses just like Jameson does.  He has lots of horses, and I'm going to too."

Little E: "After I'm a cowboy I'll be a normal person too... with horses."

Rejection

I really didn't date a lot in high school.  At times I wanted to.  But that's a whole journal full of stories and feelings.  I remember one crush in particular.  He was shorter than I was, which wasn't a difficult task given my daunting height at an early age, he had long curly hair, and he was from France.  I was enthralled.  I had gone to French immersion schools until high school, and so while I was in tenth grade, my homeroom was and OAC, or grade thirteen French class (we used to have grade thirteen in my province when I was in high school).  This put my locker right beside this boy, who I hoped would think I too was in grade thirteen.  I was also well beyond my class in my French speaking ability and was often matched up with The Boy from France to work together in class.  To make a long crush story short, I was sure he was going to ask me out any time.  I waited for notes to be slipped in my locker, waited for him to utter romantic French whisperings during class, waited for him to ask for my phone number.  After a while, I grew tired of waiting and anxious to see him smile at me more often, and so I confidently asked him out myself.  He made a small joke which I tried to understand, and he walked away leaving me standing there stunned and confused.  He was a low-talker, and I couldn't be sure I had heard him right, and if I had... what had it meant?  So I asked again.  This time he told me he had a girlfriend.  I felt jaded.  Suddenly out of nowhere was this girl, and he was with her constantly.  They ate lunch together, she was at his locker with him... how had I never noticed her before?  It was a memorable rejection.  There was no, "it's not you, it's me" but more like "it can't be you, I already chose sombody else."  And, in my mind, I felt he was choosing someone who was better than me (because she had him) and so in being rejected I was somehow less than I had been before; worse off, not as hopeful or confident, and still without a boyfriend.

Yesterday I got a letter in the mail.  For the first time in my post-secondary education I didn't get a scholarship.  At first I was shocked.  I wrote a captivating essay, I had two of the most amazing and brilliant people write me incredible letters of recommendation, and I felt that I really deserved at least one of the five scholarships I had applied for.  And yet here was this letter, informing me that candidates had been chosen and I wasn't one of them.  After the shock wave blew over, I felt sad and dissapointed.  A little bit of my hope and confidence shaken, and more than mediocre.  Humbled really.  Little E was with me when I read the letter and seeing my reaction asked what it was about.  I read him the letter and explained it to him and he patted my shoulder and told me I could try again next year and get it (the letter encouraged trying again as a returning student).  Maybe I will.  For now, I feel a little like a tenth grader trying to get an older boy to notice me, giving it my all, and then being rejected. 

On the Way

We went to the library today. I hate our library.

But we had books to return and books on hold and more books to search and find.

On the way there, Little E was flipping through a book which was basically a body encyclopedia. (We recently finished a body unit in school.)

He was really quiet and suddenly announced, "I'm glad I'm not a girl."

"Why's that?" I asked, smiling, and curious as to his answer and reasoning.

He didn't skip a beat: "I just read how a baby comes out of a mother and I think that it would really hurt. I'm glad I never have to have a baby."

So now he knows. Of course, since I love giving birth I gave him my little spiel about how amazing an experience it is, so empowering, like when you do something really hard and then you feel good about yourself and the reward you get for doing something difficult. He mostly ignored me and kept reading. And I thought, this is why I did it. I have a little boy who can read and think and communicate. And while I'm okay with the fact that he's glad he's not a girl, I think he'll make a really good husband and father one day.  And knowing it hurts will only help that.


We got books about weather and Greek mythology today.  Should lend for safer discussions.

Family Devotionals

7:15am is when our family gathers for family devotional.  Over the years the time has been altered to meet our varied schedules, and our devotionals have changed and evolved tremendously over the years as well.  Because I am an idea thief, and believe strongly that we parents need to stick together, support each other in our roles and share our techniques and ideas that WORK, I thought I would share what has been working for us.

As I mentioned, we've gone through several different "types" of devotionals.  From learning about and memorizing The Articles of Faith, reading scriptures together, using different manuals and books (such as the new nursery manual: Behold Your Little Ones) to our current "system."  Right now we are reading the Old Testament - the King James version, no picture version, the real thing, and it's going really well.  The older kids are enthralled. We read at night before we tuck everyone in, so in the morning we've been doing some fresh fun daily devotionals.  On Monday's we learn about a song and sing it from this book: 

It's been fun to read about what the composers were trying to do and how they came about writing the lyrics and music for these songs.  Plus the illustrations are beautiful and are inspiring and really invite a special spirit with the music.  Tuesdays we read a story from The Friend magazine.  Wednesdays we draw some cards from the game "Who said" and hear some scriptural quotes and try to guess who said it.  This requires everyone bringing their scriptures down and usually has us all laughing and having a good time quoting and guessing.  Thursdays somebody shares a favourite scripture with the rest of us, having the night before to prepare.  Fridays we have a feature film and watch one of the many wonderful clips that can be found on lds.org... again these get us thinking and talking well into breakfast.

I don't think it matters so much WHAT a devotional entails, but just that it happens.  I love our devotionals, because as crazy as our mornings may be, we have a few quiet peaceful moments together as a family, and a time to gather and pray together before we rush out into our separate days.  Having a "system" or a daily plan has worked well for me right now because it takes little to no planning and preparation.  I've done other devotionals where I was literally spending a half hour the night before getting ready for a five or so minute lesson.  Right now that's not an option for me, and so I'm grateful to have found this pace and this practical format that WORKS for us.

Ancestor Wall

In my church we are encouraged to do family history work, or genealogy.  Mr. Man is a saint when it comes to this.  He spends a lot of time digging and researching until he finds names, dates and places.  And he loves it to no end.  Finding out about your family is fulfilling. 

I have taken the command to do my family history differently.  My Oma has got us back to close to Eve (jesting, but far anyways) and my Dad takes his side as seriously as does Mr. Man.  I'm not sure if I would be the one to spend hours on end researching even if it wasn't being done by other family members.  Instead, I love collecting the stories. 

Perhaps it's the writer and reader in me, but the stories are what I feel tie me to these ancestors.  The names are hazy, the dates a complete and utter blur - but I love the stories.  A few years ago I compiled journals from Opa and made a book for family members for Christmas.  I included pictures and loved hearing about his childhood and remembrances.  I think it was a wonderful gift.  I try very hard to call Oma at a designated time each week so that we can chat... but I am always sitting at my computer typing away as she recalls her memories and stories to me.  It's almost too easy to get her talking!  I've also collected almost all of our family member's "love stories"  (on both sides) and I hope these will be a precious legacy of love for future generations. 

But now on to my next project!  I have been collecting pictures of ancestors and also finding old frames (or else making new ones look older and antique-y) and am just about ready to get all these people (and with them their stories and lives) up on my wall.  We painted our front room this weekend and now the pictures are preparing to go up above my piano.  I look forward to pointing out the faces to my children and sharing their stories.

For me, this is what family history is all about.

Spring Fling

Check out what my non-crafty self put together on a particularly snowy day this spring. 

Yup.  I even used a, gasp, glue gun, to make those eggs.  And I traced and cut out those letters myself.  No cricut (I wish) involved.  Did you know Easter and Spring have the same amount of letters?  Doesn't Easter sound much longer?  Anyways, I went with "Spring" since it will be in season longer AND to sort of invite it into our home.  We're growing  herbs in those pots, and the kids even had bets for which would sprout first, and now for which will grow the tallest.  They're up high to keep safe from the evil cat, and because the window sills are too close to the windows, which are too close the the frozen tundra outside.  THINK SPRING.

Seriously?!

I went into my nine going on sixteen daughter's underwear/sock drawer the other day to retrieve a pair of socks for her friend who had soggied hers up on the trampoline.  Later, when the realization that I had actually gone into said drawer hit her, Miss J turned to me and said, blushing, "Mom, I can't believe you actually WENT into my underwear drawer, that is like so embarrassing!"  I told her I hadn't even noticed any underwear and went straight for the socks, but I was thinking: "WHO THE FREAK DO YOU THINK WASHES AND FOLDS YOUR UNDERWEAR?"

To My Easter Baby

To my son, on your birthday

Mr. T, this is such a good thing for me to be forced to sit down and think about you and how you have grown and changed in the last year. I hate to say it, but lately you’ve been driving me crazy and I have found myself focused on many of your negative traits and habits. And yet, now as I sit here reflecting on the fine boy that you are, they seem so miniscule in comparison. First, know that I love you. All of you; the good and the bad no matter what.

It’s crazy to me that one short year ago you were home with me, a small kindergartner, and now you are approaching the end of first grade. You have done remarkably well in school, and have impressed both your teacher and your parents. While your grades are outstanding, so has been your effort (as you work hard for your zeros) and you are one of the nicest little boys. I love hearing about how you succeed so diligently at your secret missions, and then go out of your way to stay in for recess with the little boy who can’t go out, or play slowly and more nicely to another child who needs that kind of friendship. I cannot believe how many friends you have made in the short time we have lived in our new town. Walking home from school with you, or going to the park, means that dozens off children of all genders and ages will call out your name and smile and wave at you, and I know that it is because you have done the same (if not more) to them. Despite the many friends you have made from being friendly, you have also found a really strong friend base. You know who those boys are. And I’m happy for you and proud of you. These boys come from great homes, they are wonderful influences, and I hope you will continue to “hang” with them for many years to come.

It’s been fun to watch you trying new things. From football to wrestling, you are willing to give your best, though it breaks my heart to see you literally aching when you fail or fall. You are still my little sensitive boy, and I only encourage you because I know you can succeed at so many things, and I know it is best to learn about failure while you can still be loved and held and learn to boldly bear it. One of your greatest loves, I’m afraid to admit, is video games, and it’s amazing what sort of achievements you will make, jobs you can do, and books you will read to gain tickets for screen time. Lego is another great love. I’m pretty sure that is ALL you asked for and received for your birthday this year! And I think it’s all over your room pretty much always as well. You have a great imagination and love to play for hours with your legos or with your friends inside or outside.

You’ve recently become much better at piano. It’s like it just hit you and suddenly you are passing off songs like nothing else. I think you’re enjoying it too, though you make practicing seem like it hurts – but what little boy (or girl for that matter) doesn’t? You are also a huge gamer and will do anything to drag anyone into a heated game of RISK or The Great Museum Caper with you. And goodness know you are good. And sneaky. Dad and I often worry about your shady future, with your sneakiness combined with your huge obsession with large sums of money. Please don’t rob any banks in the future, okay. Another trait of yours is the singing while reading… you SING all the words you read from books, signs, homework… you crack me up funny boy, and maybe that’s the point.

We’ve had a sick winter at our home, it seems, and you’ve stayed the healthiest. I really feel the miracle of your health. Watching you run faster than many of the other children your age just about makes me cry. You are doing so well, and I hope you know the many prayer and tears that this Mom has had over you; you are so blessed. And boy howdy have you gotten tall! You are wearing size 8 pants now and I can hardly keep up with you! And speaking of pants, I’m not sure exactly what six and seven year old boys play to get so many holes in their pants, but I’m awfully glad you think dark patches on your jeans are cool, cause I’ll keep ‘em coming as fast as you keep bring home holes. Not sure if anything will get passed down to your brothers though.

Speaking of which, you are a great brother. You get to be a little brother and a big brother, and I love watching you fill those respective roles. Each of your siblings adore you and fight for time with you, begging to have sleepovers with you or play wii with you or be read (sung) to by you. You are a wonderful person to have in our family, and I’m so glad I get to be your Mom.

I think we’ll have a better day tomorrow now that I’ve focused and reminded myself how wonderful you are… and I’ll just ignore the many hiding places and stashes of toys and clothes you have left around the house, or how you snuck the allowance money out of my money jar. Because one day, not too many years from now, these annoying trifles will be done away with and you will be gone, and I’ll wish for today.

Happy birthday son.

Love, Mom