Back Up

Motherhood is equally the most rewarding and most challenging role. There are days when you look at your kids during the day and can’t wait for bedtime to come. Days when you somehow manage to get absolutely nothing done. Hours that seem to drag on and on. And catastrophes that can take only a minute to be created yet many more to extinguish. Calmness comes but seldom, and crazy becomes your middle name.

What drives me the most crazy is how often and how many times I have to repeat the same directions and summons. Why can’t things just happen the first time I say them? Sometimes I really think it would be much easier to be raising computers instead of children. I could program them to do whatever it is I want, and they would do it right away. Sounds great. Computers crash sometimes, but I doubt as frequently as my three year old. Besides, I would have an external hard drive – or a back up should that ever happen.

It’s so easy to dwell on the bad. So simple to stay grouchy and down. It takes effort to rise above and decide to play, participate and be pleasant and peaceful. It takes time to provide purposeful parenting. And it takes love and prayer to partner with God in raising sweet spirits. It is exhausting. But it is worth it.

I was in Target this morning with my two youngest. The baby was sleeping, and Little E (so as not to incite a code yellow) was riding in the cart, being absolutely wonderful – a rarity for him when doing errands. I noticed all the mothers around me. Some struggling with preschoolers, others manhandling toddlers. I struck up a conversation with a mother who I recognized as gathering the candy bars for a certain baby shower game! She had her first, a 2 ½ week old baby. I watched all of these mothers as if watching myself. I mourned the mother that I used to be. The mother of one, two and three. I’ve become obsessed with begging Little E to stay three. I love three year olds. I’ve had a three year old for two years in a row, and just two years before that… and I don’t know what I’ll do without a three year old. I’ve enjoyed so many of the moments, and yet I know I’ve taken so many more for granted, or else wished them away. I only hope that I can enjoy them even more before they are gone. Too soon I will be that woman meandering through Target without a care in the world, or a child at her heel.

So today when I ask my son for the tenth time to please hang up his coat, hat and yes, mittens, I will back up for a minute and remember try to do it with a smile, perhaps even give him a hug, and relish the fact that he is indeed a child and not a computer!