Sisterly Advice

Thankfully the storm in our house has passed (I hope) and I can write about this. I cannot believe, at times, how difficult it can be to raise a six going on sixteen year old. Having been one of those annoying children who not only threatened to leave home, but also ran away on numerous occasions to far off places like the friend down the street’s house, I fully expect at least one of my children to have the “run away” genes. I just didn’t think it would happen with my kindergartner.

Yesterday after school Big J played outside in the mucky field with her brother and a bunch of neighborhood kids. She seemed happy and fine until she came in for dinner. As usual when Mr. Man arrived home the kids jumped all over him and for some reason Big decided to lick him. Mr. Man asked her not to, and yet she proceeded to do so two more times. At this point Mr. Man told her he wasn’t going to play with her for 10 minutes because she wasn’t listening to him or playing nicely. That was apparently the breaking point where home no longer seemed like the place to be and her crying and the notes began.

The first note she passed to me said, “I em go awei. I dot like it her.” (Translation: I am going away. I don’t like it here.) I held my crying baby and asked her calmly why she didn’t like it here. The crying only escalated, so I tried a different approach. Where will you go? Her response was simple, “To Florida. To live with the princesses.” If only life were that simple! The next note read, “I love you Mommy and Daddy but I go awei”. Thanks to my past history of running away, I can specifically remember the need for my own space, wanting a little more attention and a little less responsibility, but also the harm that took place when too big of a deal was made over my wanting to run away. So I nonchalantly told ‘Little Me’ to please go upstairs and take a bubble bath before she left. While she was soaking and calming down, my sister called. My sister has a newborn and has called frequently to ask for advice. However my daughter often will remind me of my sister in numerous little freaky ways and so I decided to turn the tables and ask my sister for advice with my six year old. It was definitely an inspired step. My sister said when she was a teenager she would often write notes to our parents expressing her feelings, and as much as they spoke with her and tried to talk with her about her letters, the only times she really felt heard and loved was when they wrote a letter back to her. She told me specifically to write a note back to Big J saying something like, “I love you. I hope you will stay here. Love, Mom.” I felt like it was worth a try and may actually work. It did.

I gave Big J the note, written exactly as her aunt had prescribed, and she smiled, hugged me and went to bed happily. Mr. Man and I can’t believe it’s taken us this long to ask my sister for advice! (He also can’t believe we are already dealing with such heaving hormones!) This morning we were both presented with notes and my heart sunk for a brief moment before I read what she had written. To Mr. Man, “Daddy will you frgive me I love you” and to me, “Mommy. I love you so mosh. I will stei with you”. Sigh of relief. Parenting is such a daily learning experience!