I made my first appointment with a therapist. Well, to be honest, she's on vacation until Thursday but I left a message... since it took a lot just to make that initial call. I almost laughed after I left the message, since I sounded so sane, so calm, so positively happy on her voice mail... I wonder what she'll think of me. Not that sane, calm and happy people don't see or need therapists, but it's so different from how I felt and sounded a few months ago that it startled me. That, and the fact that it took me this long to feel like I could make the call. And now I can't stop thinking and worrying about what it will be like meeting her and having, well, therapy sessions.
My first time meeting with a psychologist, or was it psychiatrist, and what's the difference anyway... was fleeting and a complete failure. Basically, this man listened to me pour my heart out and sob away, stared at me and said, in complete seriousness: "No amount of therapy can cure you... you need to be medicated right away." In his defense, it was probably true at the time, but that statement has stuck with me and made me feel that I am "helpless" when it comes to therapy. This is a giant leap.
Hollywood has given me so many pictures of therapy, that I'm not sure what to really expect. Part of me wonders if I should interview a bunch, like we did when finding our real estate agent, to make sure I find the right one. But how do I even know if I find the right one? Will I get to lay down? Will I be asked questions after questions or just expected to start talking about every minute detail of my life from childhood? How often should I go? What sorts of things will I be told about myself? What changes will I have to make to become the healthy happy person I want to be? What if no amount of therapy can cure me?
Babbling.
Maybe I can find a therapist who will let me write back and forth.
I'll let you know how it goes. Maybe.
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4 comments:
I couldn't help but smile. I've been seeing therapists on and off for the last 6 years. Of the four, my fav was the one at LDS family services in Independence, MO.
Let me say, I think you're very brave for making that appointment. We're in a culture that expects us to be self sufficient, and seeking help like this is admitting that there is something wrong. It takes courage to make that admission and to do something about it. Bravo!
Usually a therapist's office is quite comfortable with a couch and some chairs. They'll let you pick where you like to sit and ask what made you seek help. It'll go from there, you guiding the topics generally, and mostly what they'll do is help you sort out disordered thinking -- is something you say logical, is something you describe healthy or unhealthy, is a distress you're having something you have any control over at all, etc.
There was one phenomenon that really gave me a turn with one of them: she was warm and understanding during the session but as soon as my 45 mins were up, her face "turned off" and she was without expression or connection until we began our next session two weeks later. It wasn't evil, just a little jarring the first few times, and a clear reminder that she was a professional and not my friend.
You can shop around for sure, just understand that beginning a new relationship with a therapist is a tiring emotional process.
Also, the difference is that a psychologist does cognitive therapy, and a psychiatrist prescribes medication and may also do some cognitive therapy, but in recent years the trend has been to stick with the most lucrative drug side of things. If you see one of each, they should talk to one another to make sure your treatment is right for you one both sides of the issue.
Hope this helps.
Good luck! You ARE brave, indeed. It takes a lot to make that call--I know!
For what it's worth, I think the time that DH and I spent with one of the counselors at LDS Family Services was useful, and I also spent some time with a bishop in his professional venue (as a therapist), as well--trying to get through some of the same things as you. It was kind of nice, actually, to have an outside ear and brain to help tackle the situation.
May your experience be positive for you, as well!!!
I have done therapy at two different points of my life. I think it is a great starting point for pulling the stuff out of your brain and put it under the microscope and see what's going on....all those automatic thought patterns that you start realizing are really the source of all the pain. For me, I felt like therapy was a great starting point, and then I needed to do more work on my own...mostly through writing and workbooks.
Blessings to you as you start. It takes a great deal of courage to make the first step getting there.
Yes, I too must admit that I have gone to counseling sessions, and not just a couple, but A LOT! IF you find the right counselor for you it is wonderfully helpful! But if they aren't that great, it's emotionally exhausting, a waste of time and money! I hope you can find one that suites you right off the bat! I had to go through FOUR (one of which told me to leave my husband!!!!) before I found someone PERFECT for me! Don't be discouraged! It can be wonderfully helpful! Good Luck my dear!
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