Shepherds Pie

I am not a very picky eater, but I have always detested shepherds pie. As a child I would try to separate the potatoes from the veggies and the meat to make it into a more picturesque meal. Years ago Mr. Man asked why I never made his most favorite of all dishes: shepherds pie. I told him that would be one meal never served in my home, since to me, it's like what a regular meal looks like all chewed up in your stomach. Disgusting. I just can't handle it all mixed up like that.

So last week, in the midst of all my to-dos, I was also attempting to be a good wife. And so I looked up a recipe for shepherds pie on the internet. And, for the first time in my almost 11 years of wife-hood, I made my husband's favourite meal. And boy was it a hit. Every last person loved and inhaled this meal. I managed to swallow it as well. And it was okay; delicious according to everyone else.

And so I've been thinking about that mushed up contortion and comparing it to my life lately. The life I feel like is a little bit hard for me to get a handle on and balance quite right. Often my roles, jobs and duties are getting squished and ending up in the wrong compartments. I'm trying to study while still spending quality time with the kids...etc. And I'm hoping that even though things appear jumbled and are perhaps rubbing off on each other, my life can still be delicious. And most likely it is, it's just that I'm not used to liking shepherds pie... but I can see how it could grow on me. I'm so blessed that my life has all the right ingredients to be delicious.

Shots vs. Preschool

{The toddler a year ago when he was so sad to NOT be going to school}

I have enough Mommy-guilt, so I'm writing the following with the expectations that the freedom of speech act will not follow. I don't want any comments that will further induce my guilt. You're welcome to your thoughts, just don't share them. This blog is not a democracy. But any tips or advice are always welcome. I'm an amateur mother.

With that, I'm going to tell you how much my three year old hates preschool. It's horrible. We're on to the fifth week now. He only goes Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and on those mornings he starts crying and fussing as soon as he wakes up; begging not to have to get dressed, bartering over where he could go INSTEAD of preschool, insisting that I not leave him. The night before is a tragic night of nightmares. He screams for his Mommy and I usually end up sleeping with him in his bed or he in mine with him holding on to me for dear life. I told you it was bad.

His teachers are wonderful, I couldn't be happier. And we're all working together to try to make this better for him. My other two boys went to preschool when they were his age, so it's not like he's far too young. As my youngest, he's also been with me a lot more... never really apart. He's still my one to cry when it's time for nursery at church - and he's the oldest one there.

When I leave him at preschool it breaks my heart. I have to tear him off of me and hand him to a teacher. He stands at the window bawling while his teacher waves his hand in a happy motion of goodbye. They say he calms down after a while, but that any little trigger sends him back into tears. Plus, he's a sympathetic crier, so anytime anybody else happens to be sad or cry - off he goes too.

It's so strange to me that he's like this. He is so social, so outgoing and has such a personality and attitude at home or with other children. And on the days he has preschool, the rest of the day it's like he has extra personality and "talking" to get out of him because it was on lock down in the morning. If he wasn't already a mama's boy, he is even more so now. We talk about how nice his friends and teachers are, and his response is always "I don't tink so." Though, truly they are.

So on Friday I took him for his 3yr old doctor's check up (a little late). He needed an unanticipated shot, and so I quickly explained what was going to happen before the nurse came back. All three older kids were huddled around ready for the tears to spring. I held him on my lap, his legs snuggled tightly between my legs, my arms hugging his arms and his sugar-free sucker from the doctor nestled between his lips. The shot came and went. According to the big kids, his face went red, but not a sound escaped. He hopped down as if nothing had happened, and on the way out the door said, "I like this doctor. When can we come back here?"

I'm confused.

Tuesday and Thursday mornings may have me telling him we're going to the doctor's for a shot instead of telling him it's a preschool day. Or maybe I need to give his preschool teacher some sugar-free suckers to divy out. I dont' know anymore. It's got to get better, right?

Just Keep Swimming

Oh boy is this hard. That's the truth. My days seem to drag on and yet swallow each other up at the same time. I wish I could balance everything better. Today is my day "off" from school, which pretty much means it's on for everything else... cleaning, errands, spending all day with my toddler, phone calls, primary, oh and it's not really "off" for school since I need to study for my mid-terms (one that is approaching quickly on Friday). All I want to do is curl up in my bed, sleep the whole morning away, eat chocolate for brunch and then read a good book all afternoon. (I know, I'm hard core.) No can do. Must be productive. How do people do this, all day, every day? My brain hurts and I think it may be swelling from all the new information I am trying to jam into it. I am finding myself quite irritable today and barely able to keep my head above water. It's a familiar feeling of stress. And I know all I need to do to deal with stress, but when do you find the time to exercise, drink all that water, write in your journal, go for a walk, eat balanced meals, have a heart to heart talk with someone, get enough sleep, etc. when you already have more to do than you can? For now, I'll just keep swimming and hope I find land soon enough.

What my kids have said lately...

...so I don't forget.

The Toddler
I asked him what he wants for Christmas (because really I have no ideas for him) and he replied immediately: "A tree star." You have to have watched "The Land Before Time" to get how priceless this request is.

Little E
My little organizer came home from school the other day and told me, blushing, that his teacher told him he's only allowed to clean and organize his desk when it's center time or when she's not teaching. He'd gone a little nuts with the OCD apparently. Um, yeah. I love it!

Mr. T

The kids' secret mission the other day was to learn a new word. Mr. T said: "I learned that math has a ematics on the end. Isn't that the strangest thing?" Mathematics!!! This kid is a crack-up!

Miss J
I went to curriculum night at the three older kids' school yesterday and loved rummaging through all their current work and desks. Miss J had left me little notes all over the place. But my favourite part was reading in her writing book where she apparently had to write a letter to her teacher telling about herself; her strengths and weaknesses, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. She wrote (and I'm paraphrasing): "This is sort of personal, but one of my favorite hobbies is to stand in front of my full-length mirror and practice singing and dancing." I died. Because I see her doing that all too much, and because she is so sincere that she wrote it to inform her teacher.

Last but not least

Three is my favourite age, if you don't know. It really is. I often tell mothers with screaming tantrum-throwing two year olds, how I love my babies until they're one and then I can't stand them again until they're three. Seriously. You could send them to the moon for those couple of years and then bring them back to me talking, potty trained, and rational (or at least more rational than 1-2). Three speaks to me: it's a time of discovery, growth, absolute hilariousness, and a great age to be my buddy. I've had three, three year old buddies so far, and now I have my fourth and final. But my gosh, this three year old is going to do me in. I don't know if it's because I'm old and tired now, but he just has so much energy, is so darn stubborn and strong-willed and just talks constantly all day long... to me. I find myself needing to be reminded that this is my favourite age. And really it still is, it just seems to be in a stronger dose this time.
I do love him, and I do love this age! How can you not?!
His most frequent line lately, "I don't tink so" (think)
He says it so slowly, as if he's really considering what has been said or asked, but then, after weighing all the options has decided on the negative. Really cute. Also sometimes annoying :)


Wish me luck with this adorable three year old!

Flexibly Rigid

Before starting school, I knew that one of the biggest changes for me would be the time deadlines. Assignments due here and now, exams, and classes that don't wait for a convenient time to start. Much of motherhood for me has been a flexible schedule. Yes, I enjoy setting schedules for myself and my little family, but really grocery shopping doesn't HAVE to be done on Wednesday... that is, unless we are completely out of bread, milk and eggs. Library books have due dates, but you can go online and renew them. And on the whole, many of my to-do lists are not screaming to be done RIGHT NOW! I can stop and smell the roses, and nobody is going to fire me from my job.

School felt different. Deadlines give me a rush, and in the past I have been known to allow them to creep up quickly in order to get my creative juices flowing. However, this semester's classes don't ask for much creativity - mostly just hard work, memorization and practice. And so far, I've met all of my deadlines within a large time period. Twice now, I've gone to hand in my assignments only to hear fellow classmates moaning and groaning and asking if that was really due today. The kind-hearted professors have immediately offered at least 2 day extensions. And I find myself thinking, "REALLY?! HOW IS THAT FAIR?" I guess I'm more rigid than I am flexible. And I admit I found great joy when the two day extension was up and still some students cried for more time and our teacher simply looked at them, acknowledged his previous leniency and then told them the time was up. HA!

Now knock on wood nobody gets seriously sick or worse and I have to go begging for an extension of any kind.

Homesick

Yesterday, after enduring a never-ending headache all day long, I curled up in the crook of my husband's arm to go to sleep. And suddenly I found myself crying. I don't cry very much. And when I do, I can easily put a feeling or reason to those tears. But last night it took me much longer to figure it out.

I had a wonderful friend and neighbor once who I envied for many reasons. She was always so even-keeled and happy. And being moody and unpredictable, I craved that. She once divulged that she cried often and almost had a good cry every night. And I remember thinking, well maybe that's the secret. She lets it all out, and somehow all my emotions stay tucked inside until...

So last night as I had tears flowing down my face I thought about how I was having a good-end-of-the-day cry. It was a release. And as soon as I acknowledged my tears, I could put a reason to them. I felt homesick. Homesick for my childhood home and simplicity, homesick for having a brand new baby and really no other cares in the world, homesick for old friends, homesick for family and celebrations and holidays past, homesick for my memories. And yet, unlike the regular sort of homesickness where you can easily hop on a plane or train or car and return home after an extended time away, I can't go back. Only forward. Acknowledging the memories and what I miss, and dedicated to making more. I can only imagine how much I will cry and how homesick I will be when I am an old lady, with great-grandchildren, sitting on my porch swing remembering. Now, off to make sure that amidst those tears I will also have a wrinkly old smile smothering my face.

What I've Learned...

After attending University for a whole week, I think I'm basically an expert on what is and is not cool on campus. So for those of you who are wondering (because like me, it's been a few years since you walked the walk on campus), or are preparing to return yourselves, let me enlighten you.

I've pretty much figured out what I need to do if I want to fit in. (But don't worry, I already know that I don't!) Here's what I've learned so far:

1. No matter what the temperature (even 40 degrees Fahrenheit), wear as little clothing as possible.
2. In terms of fashion, be sure to wear lots of spandex and university trademark clothing.
3. Don't, under any circumstances, smile at anyone you don't know as you walk to class.
4. While you're waiting for the class before you to get done, the smartest coolest look is to just stand there bored out of your mind. You could also try texting, or doing something ingenious with your cell phone. Do not look over your notes or review the chapter in your textbook. (That is, if you even bothered to bring it to class).
5. In class, don't ask any questions, and try to take as few notes as possible. Basically just sit there, half asleep. (Surely that old Mom next to you will lend you her notes when you need to catch up.)
6. Don't volunteer for any physics demos, or attempt to give an answer or ask a question.
7. Don't worry too much about the homework assigned. It's probably optional. If you do try, don't try too hard, because you can just ask your teacher (or the Mom sitting next to you) to explain it the next day.
8. Drink lots of coffee during class. That just oozes intelligence (not fatigue or hangover).
9. The trees on campus are there to counter-balance the 1-2 packs of second-hand smoke you will be inhaling the moment you exit a building. (Seriously, do people still smoke this much?)
10. There are actually "other Moms" in school (and in classes) with me. I'm not the only one juggling motherhood and schooling. We smile at each other, knowing that because we're "old" we have a bond, and also we're in this for reals.

I have also learned about the Fibonacci sequence, Newton's Laws and how to solve numerous mathematical equations and problems.
Try this:
Find digits A, B, C, and D that solve the following cryptarithm:
ABCD
x 4
_____
DCBA


or this:
What is the maximum number of pieces of pizza that can result from 4 straight cuts?


Yup, I'm getting smarter by hanging out on campus!

My apologies to anyone who is young and in school and feels these stereotypes don't apply. You are a rare gem.

First Day of School

Life has been busy.

We went up north to visit family - including my baby brother who had just gotten off his mission for our church. The kids had fun with cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents. It was also fun to stay with my Uncle Max and family. Everyone should be so lucky as to have an Uncle Max.

We got home in time to do laundry before we had more family fun. Mr. Man's Mom and sister came for a visit, followed by his step-dad, and then the day after they left we had a final weekend of fun with his Dad and step-mom.

They left on the first day of school. Which was monumental in so many ways. Here we are:

The Toddler didn't start preschool the same day, so he's not pictured here... but basically we are a school-going family now. (And I imagine I won't be blogging as much anymore.)

This picture (and post) is mainly to satiate my mother's hunger for this photo.