Keeping Busy

First off, thanks for all the "happy" comments. It felt like a room full of friends - which was very nice indeed. A few of you emailed me in private as well - so nice, and when I can put my thankful reply into words I promise to write back.

I have been keeping busy and thinking happy (or grateful and thankful) thoughts a lot. I've been getting outside EVERY FREEZING day - not always to "exercise", but at least to bike or walk or even play outside in the snow (that's good for burning at least a thousand calories, right?!) And even had a "girls" night out! I appreciate the fact that this is still a HUGE transition time, and yes, I'm coming away from having several visits with family and then the slap in the face that all family are so stinkin' far away. So, baby steps.

Now, to what I really sat down to write about.

I started this school year with just a toddler at home and so, I was a bit over-zealous in my signing up to volunteer. Once upon a time I thought I would be a great PTO/PTA/or whatever-they-call-it-at-your-school Mom. Somehow I had the preconceived notion that there would be parents and teachers working together to help the children who are being educated in the school. I didn't realize it was all about fundraising. I'm NOT all about the fundraising by any means. Our school here though has about a kajillion committees with a half million volunteers (it seems) but amazingly I still got suckered in. I wanted to get to know the school and the teachers, and I was basiclaly a free woman with just a two year old - so why not be a supermom in the schools? So I joined a few committees with minimal obligations, and told the teachers I would be in every Tuesday morning (rotating between the three classes).

Then I started homeschooling the kindergartner and completely forgot about everything I had signed up for (except for the Tuesday mornings). I love that my kids see me in their class, I love seeing them in their classes and being up-to-date on what they are learning, how they are doing and seeing how they interact with their classmates and teachers as well. So far, they love having me there too - so it's a win/win situation for everyone involved.

Then the emails and phone calls started pouring in. And I had to re-evaluate my involvement. Not only were the committee chairs of the ones I signed up for begging me for help, but apparently because I was in the school the teachers (or somebody there) were passing my name on as a willing and able individual. Thanks to years of Mr. Man's prodding, I am now quite experienced in the art of saying "NO." And it's even easier in an email.

But when the call came reminding me that I had signed up at the first grade orientation to be the "party planner" I just couldn't say no. It was an in-class assignment, and who doesn't like planning a good party. When I saw the list of parents willing to help at the party and with supplies, it was a cincher. I basically wrote out a "plan" (which is so up my alley) and passed it on to another Mom and she made all the calls to get everyone involved. My part is to man one of the "stations" during the party and provide a small activity; everything else is delegated. Since I have hours of experience making graham cracker houses, I decided we would decorate haunted houses. The kids are each bringing in a bag of candy or other decorations and I'm bringing in the plates, houses and icing.

A breeze. For those of you who need ideas for class parties or even for home family use, I decided I would show a small step-by-step. This is not a showcase by any means, it's way too simple for that, and it's also such a cool thing to see sugar change like this that I couldn't resist. It took me about an hour to make 21 (far from perfect) houses and I only suffered three minor burns in the process.

Step One: Break up all your graham crackers into squares (some come pre-packaged like this) but try not to break too many itty bitty pieces off - those can't be used. Stack your squares into piles of six for however many houses you are making. (No, we will not use that half zucchini for this recipe... I don't even think the Deceptively Delicious diva could find a way to sneak it in.) Notice my plate full of "broken" crackers. Even after years of experience. So buy more crackers than you think you'll need.

Step Two: Put some sugar in a pot. I used about a cup and a half to make 21. You can always make more, but it really sucks trying to get leftover sugar off your pot bottom when you're done... so start small.
Step Three: Have spoon ready. Turn on the heat and get ready to see some sugar crystals. (Medium High is best, and you really do want to be stirring the whole time.) First the sugar gets all shiny and sparkly and then it starts to ball up.
Step Four: Keep stirring. When it starts getting liquidy and golden in colour, turn the heat down just a tad. You don't want to let it boil (I don't actually know this for a fact, but I have never let mine boil!)

Isn't it pretty? Looks just like honey (except it has less calories than honey - true fact!)
Step Five: Start double dipping your crackers. Can't actually take pictures of this process because you have to be super fast so that your houses will stick and because the sugar hardens quickly. I dip in each side - two crackers at a time, form one house corner and then the next two sides and finally the roof. If your sugar is getting too dark (which means it's hardening) you can heat it up a bit (on the lowest temp you have) and stir. By the end of your house building, it will start to look like this: (isn't that neat?!)
My final houses were dark and crusy but still sticking - and the sugar was getting stringy. It looks like the haunted houses have spider webs on them!!! (They are easy to remove by hand.)
So pretty. And edible. And they don't have to be perfect because they won't be perfect until a child covers them in way too much icing and candy!
Ta-da! My favourite is the one with the side caving out - totally spooky!
Small note: I am basically in love with THIS BLOG. She often puts into words so many of my beliefs about motherhood, but with a loveliness that is beyond me. You should seriously read this post and this post and this post and those are just in the last month - there are oh so many others. I digress, yet I have a point. THIS POST on school volunteering will, if you are anything like myself, have you nodding, laughing and remembering. It will also have you saying "no" more often. (Even though she would totally knock me for being the top Mom of the Halloween party, I still adore this post!)

I'm Taking Over

I used to be a rather normal person. But then I suffered from severe postpartum depression. After I finally recovered, after a very long and devastating year and a half, I have found that I am much more susceptable to mood swings. "That time of the month" has gotten worse with each child, the winter months that bring the January and sometimes even February blues are harder to handle, and I get more melancholy more easily. I have some very hard days. I have to try very hard to not let my "mood" take me over. And sometimes it's easier to just not try. This week has been one where I come away and think, "my gosh, I think I'm depressed." And it's not even like anything bad is happening in my life. Everything is, on the whole, wonderful. Yet I get it. I get depression. Unfortunately. And I don't want it to take over.

As part of my plan for to enrich my family, we have been learning a little about either an artist or composer each month. My children seem to pick up on the most random details about these amazing people (Little E often reminds us that Van Gogh shot himself because he had a sickness called "depression"), and I am struck by how many true artists (including musicians and authors) suffered from severe depression. In some cases, depression allows a clarity of vision, and a view of the world not seldom seen. Having such lows can also allow the highs that can be both beautiful and dangerous. Virginia Woolf is a favourite author and Mr. Man often questions her life and death and how the provision of modern day medicine could have helped her and so many others. And I question if she could have created what she did under the dullness that medication profers. Being able to feel: both the good and the bad is a curse and a blessing. But one that needs to be controlled or else it controls.

I just finished reading the young adult trilogy by Scott Westerfield: "The Uglies" "The Pretties" and "The Specials." It was a fun read. But also got me thinking. In the books there is a young woman who fights against societal trends, norms and even brain controlling by the government. With her mind, her will, strength and love she fights the pull that should control her and take over. She opts NOT to take a pill that will change her mind for her, but instead chooses to battle and change her mind alone.

I've been on medication before. I know that it can make a huge difference. I constantly check in with myself to see if I am at the point where I need that ease and survival that anti-depressants can provide. I'm not at that point, thankfully. But I am doing a self-check and making some changes to try to fight that mental trend to spiral downwards. I pray for the courage to fight this battle and the stamina to endure the highs and lows that make up my many coloured days.

Pumpkin Patching with my Boys

They were ready for any ghost or goblin along the way. The hay ride was really bumpy and Little E asked me if I was making it bump. I told him I wasn't THAT heavy!

We found "our" pumpkin almost immediately. But I told the boys we had to look over each one. Did you know that for each stripe on a pumpkin there is a row of seeds inside?

The best part was meeting friends at the hay bale pirate ship. Way too much fun.

We are going to have to go back here and bring the older kids too. Nothing like running around outside for an hour without realizing how cold it really is.

Love that I get to spend my days with these two buccaneers.

A great treasure indeed.

Forcing little brother to walk the plank.

A great little field trip.

Drastic Measures

I confiscated all of Mr. T's money.

With a dollar a week for allowance, this represents quite the stash for him. It reduced him to tears, and hateful glances in my direction. But it had to be done.
So far, Mr. T has lost the following at school:

-blue hooded fleece jacket
-running shoes with orthopedic braces
-hood for winter coat
-hat
-scarf
-lunch box
-green hooded sweatshirt
-blue water bottle
-backpack
-about a dozen little tupperware snack containers
(I may be missing some things that we haven't noticed are missing yet or I just can't recall)

Basically it's bad. I've spent a lot of time digging through the ginormous lost and found bins at his school. He tries, but never seems to have success. It's unbelievable how much STUFF kids lose at school. Mr. T always comments when he sees the amount of STUFF that there must be a lot of unhappy Moms. Yup. The kid leaves a trail everywhere he goes in my house, so I figure he must just do the same thing at school, except nobody gets after him about it there and it just goes missing. When faced with having to pay for the replacement costs, it's amazing what he has been able to find and recently NOT lose. So hopefully this re-payment plan for replacing items will work. Any other ideas would be welcome. That lost and found bin is gross.

Mawage

(you have to know "Princess Bride" to get that title... it can't be explained, sorry)

We had a whirlwind weekend, and my mind and washing machine are still spinning.

We drove through the twisty mountains, thank heavens for very beautiful weather, as the view and the turns provided enough for a breath-taking experience. It was fun to show my family where I lived and went to school my freshman year of university in western Canada. We stayed with my sister and enjoyed a delicious (belated) Canadian Thanksgiving feast, lots of Wii time, and good company. The cousins were hilarious together.
And we were able to attend my cousin's wedding. Always a pleasure to see young lovers vow to keep their love strong, enduring, and eternal.

Seeing Oma was a treat, as the occasions to do so seem to be more infrequent. She is beautiful - inside and out. I wondered how someone, who had been married for almost 50 years and then lost her beloved, felt watching her granddaughter so young and in love start a legacy of love of her own. Did she ache for her eternal love? Did she remember her special day? Did she quietly recall the moments and memories that make up a lasting marriage?
I couldn't help but think back to my own wedding of course. With many hours spent in a vehicle with Mr. Man, and even some moments all alone (praise Uncle Scott), we had a chance to re-evaluate our marriage, our love, and our life together. I think I have a wonderful marriage. We've worked hard to have that. Lately it's been a lot of bliss. Which is nice and comfortable. And so it's time to think about what we can work on to make it even better. I mean, can you imagine "better"? It's been almost ten years. Gasp. When I picture a bride, I picture myself less and less and am thinking much more forwardly - like when my own daughter will be the bride. Heaven forbid she be less than 25.

I took lots of pictures but the one that touched me the most was this one:
In between shots (by the professional photographer) my Aunt grasped her daughter lovingly, while my Uncle gazed at her adoringly. You can just feel the love. I want that picture (but with Mr. Man, Miss J and myself) on my wall. I want that picture in my life. I want to love like that and be loved in return, but still be able to let go.

Another thing that hit me, was that some day our kids won't be such a HUGE part of my life. I mean really, you do "give them away" in a very literal sense. One day the family picture hanging on my wall will look like this (perhaps a little more wrinkly, though I promise to maintain the blonde!)
Another reason to make my mawage a very large focus in my life.

Subtle Changes: A Blast from the Past

***in searching for a craft I did last year I was browsing through October 2008 archives and particularly liked this post:

As the seasons change, the subtle changes in my children seem more apparent as well. There's the drastic change and jumps in pant sizes, the increased knowledge and skill in sports and music, the jokes are funnier, the conversations more mature, and the questions more meaningful. In a small way, the season of my life is changing. A leaf has fallen; a passing. Often I look back wondering if I savored the seasons passed, did I enjoy the heat, the chills, the daily highs and the lows? And I think I did.

And besides, there are still many more seasons to enjoy.

Blogging is so egocentric...

10 random things about me:
1. I'm left-handed and proud of it.
2. My eyelids are saggy and it makes wearing mascara annoying - always a little bit stuck up above... I know I need to find a different kind of mascara, but I hate shopping, and shopping for make-up especially... seriously have bad make-up shopping stories
3. I am a pessimist. But happy about this fact. I love being happily surprised when I expect the worst.
4. I tend to exaggerate. I think it makes things more exciting. And really I don't even mean too... it just happens. My husband hates this.
5. I can read about 100 pages an hour. Even without wearing my glasses. I love to read.
6. My favourite colour is green but I have a huge weakness for red.
7. I wish I could control my eating habits. But I can't. I am a sucker for all things chocolate... except I hate chocolate milk, chocolate milkshakes or chocolate ice cream.
8. I have a hard time making friends. But when I do, they're usually the best friends I could ever ask for.
9. I am extremely anal and quite the control freak. Some people are nice about it and tell me I am very organized. I know better.
10. I despise pets of all sorts. I refuse to have one in my home. I'm the only person in my home that feels this way and I hate being outnumbered. MUST. STAY. STRONG.

10 things on my to-do list for this week
1. Get proof of continuous coverage from last insurance company
2. Get doctors and dentists and set appointments
3. Mail off packages
4. Make cards with Miss J on her special night
5. Halloween plans - party? -costumes
6. Make cinnamon buns, granola bars, pumpkin and banana loaves
7. Wrap wedding gift for cousin (buy gift wrap)
8. Answer Kyle's (brother on mission) email and write back
9. Hairdresser appointment?
10. Find out which day has all the flyers in the paper and purchase THAT day

10 blogs I read (that aren't personal friends) - and in no particular order
1. http://balancingeverything.com
2. http://blog.cjanerun.com
3. http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com
4. http://homeschoolcreations.blogspot.com
5. http://lets-explore.net/blog
6. http://www.makeandtakes.com
7. http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com
8. http://www.notimeforflashcards.com
9. http://www.lazyorganizer.com/blog
10. http://71toes.blogspot.com

10 weaknesses I wish were strengths
1. Sewing: I seriously have a billion projects that I would love to do. Just lack the know-how and a sewing machine.
2. Getting stressed too easily. This one may be genetic. But I would love to go with the flow naturally.
3. Craftiness. All things crafty: scrapbooking, card making, home craftiness... all that stuff. Some people have it; I keep trying.
4. Over-scheduling. I've experienced 24 hour days for years now, and yet still try to cram in at least 6 more hours worth of tasks into a day. When will I learn?
5. Yelling. I hate yelling. I hate the impression it makes on my kids. I am getting better. I now own a whistle and a bell that do my yelling for me.
6. Math. I helped out in my daughter's third grade math class today. Or tried to help. Yup, still a weakness. I will cry if I have to take another math class in order to graduate.
7. Judging. I am quick to jump to conclusions and make my own verdicts on others' lives and choices. As I develop empathy and make stupid choices of my own (often) I am trying to do better at this. But it's hard for me. This is probably the weakness I am most at odds with and even have a hard time admitting to.
8. Chocolate. 'Nuf said.
9. Procrastinating. To be honest, I love planning, but carrying things out is often put off. I sort of like the high that comes from doing things at the last minute. But dealing with this weakness, may help with #2.
10. Studying scriptures. Love the reading. Getting too in depth is something that I struggle with. But I know I should.

10 strengths
1. I am the queen of charts, planning and all things organization.
2. I love to teach my children and I am a good teacher.
3. I keep a tidy home.
4. I am a good writer and a great speller.
5. I am creative.
6. I try to be a good friend to my friends.
7. I am a hard worker, but I also like to schedule in time for fun.
8. I am well-read.
9. I am a winner. Seriously. I am both lucky and brilliant when it comes to playing games.
10. I know who I am. Took a while. But is a huge strength.

Another thing I hate about moving...

I spent the better part of my day yesterday trying to procure doctors for myself and my children. I did so after doing a lot of research - both in asking EVERYBODY I know and meet about their doctors. Not just who their doctors are but what they are like specifically. I looked for trends in referrals and specifics as well. Then I went online and found out all I could about every doctor my insurance company had put on "the list". I put an x beside any doctor I felt would absolutely NOT be a good fit and a star beside the best. The rest, I figured, were as good as doctors come and would be the next options should the starred not be available. I wasn't so interested in "promptness" - I mean there are two waiting rooms for a reason - and even "bedside manner" wasn't as important to me as "proper diagnosis". And years of experience was important too - I don't want a newbie (sorry new docs) and I don't want someone who is going to retire next year and force me into this same predicament. I also looked into their education and residency experience. I know... this is a lot. (I am especially interested in having a good pediatrician for my one son's health issues.) So then I got on the phone and listened to all sorts of music and medical tidbits while waiting and waiting and waiting to try to set up appointments with my starred doctors. Contrary to my insurance company's list and to my great disappointment, starred doctor after starred doctor was not accepting new patients. The offices were pleasant enough, and offered some of my doctors with an x beside them as alternatives. I denied them that pleasure and told them I would try again for a better different doctor. The story goes that these doctors only accept so many new patients, plus I have to set my kids up for an initial "meet the doctor" appointment (see dollar signs) so that if they were to get sick they could make an immediate appointment versus now we have to wait over a month to get in as a new patient. I have one child in with one doctor and I'm calling back today to try to get three more. For a doctor for myself, I may be on a wait list for an eternity. I don't know how many doctors are no longer accepting new patients (some don't even have wait lists). I am no longer even trying for star doctors. I have one who may be willing to take me on, but will have to call me back... when, I don't know. One secretary, after giving me the whole "we're not really accepting new patients" speech, sent me over the edge. I countered with "Well no doctor in this whole town is accepting new patients, so what exactly do you suggest I do?" She calmly replied that this was obviously a sign that this town needs more doctors. My call to action. I guess my next step is to simply get a medical degree and become my own doctor. Sheesh.

BFF

When I was around three or four, I was sitting in the front row of primary at church when a mother I didn't recognized walked in, sat a little girl my age beside me, told me her name and told me we were going to be friends. Determined to please, it was inevitable that I would do as she say, and become friends with this pig-tailed little girl (I had a bowl cut at the time, so I particularly remember the long swaying pig-tails). My only problem was that I could not remember the little girl's name. I leaned over and asked her numerous times to repeat it. It was long, tricky, and impossible for me. In the bathroom, I asked her again, and this time she game me a shortened version of her name. It stuck. And she became my best friend. Seriously. From that time until we were 18, we were pretty much inseparable. I have very few childhood and teenage memories that don't include this fabulous friend. We knew each other as few ever do, in fact, I'm almost positive she could figure out my pin number even now after years of separation.

Almost ten years ago we parted ways. There was nothing malicious, no falling out, no great story to post about how it happened, I simply got married and left the country... and time passed. We've stayed in touch periodically, but all in all, in getting married I had found my new best friend. A year ago my old best friend sent me a save-the-date magnet, and in a few short weeks she too will be marrying her new best friend. I'm so happy for her. I can't wait to meet him and to see her once again. I wonder what he is like. We used to joke around about how it would be perfect if one of us were a guy because we would obviously love to be together and marry each other. I admit there are often little things about Mr. Man that remind me of my old best friend, small quirks, or comments. And so I wonder if her Mr. Man is anything like me. Mostly though, I am glad that she has finally found HIM. Because while I can't imagine my childhood without my old best friend, there is no best friend like the present. My best friend forever is the love of my life; how lucky am I?

From One Educator to Another

Lately it seems that in all our weekend glory the two public schooled children are bringing home the majority of their weekly homework on Friday. For the past few weeks we have scrambled to get it done early Monday morning before school and instead of practicing piano (grrrr, says, I, the piano teacher!) Perhaps the teachers are trying to meet the needs of the over-extra-curricular child who has little time on weeknights, but (supposedly) more time on the weekend. Not so in our house. I am happy to force sit down with my kids shortly after they get home from school and get all their work done. (Mr. Man even asked recently if they kids ever have homework, since it's always done and put away by the time he gets home.) However, Friday afternoons are for FUN FAMILY TIME and even the occasional FRIEND - and you know how I feel about Saturday and Sunday. And, after all, the kids are only in 1st and 3rd grade - it's not rocket science, nor junior high. So Mr. Man and I discussed, and I composed a nice letter to both of their teachers, accompanying their empty homework folders this morning:

Dear 1st and 3rd Grade Teachers of my beloved children,

I am writing this letter to inform you of a decision that my husband and I have made for our family. At this time, we feel that given our children's ages and our family’s circumstances, we will not be allowing our children to do homework on the weekend. We are going to reserve the weekends for our family.

We are more than happy to complete any given assignment during the week. If there is something that will be due on a Monday, please have it sent home on Thursday, otherwise it will be turned in on Tuesday.

Hopefully you can understand this decision, otherwise I sincerely hope this won’t affect our children’s grades or work completion in any way.

Please let me know if you would like to discuss this further. Both my husband and I are happy to do so. We hope we can support each other in the grand endeavor to educate.

Thanks,

ME

Within minutes of school starting, and I assume the letter having been given and read, I received an email from one teacher. I don't know why I expected an argument. I am WAY too judgmental of my childrens' teachers (seriously trying to remedy that weakness), and so I was delighted when I read the following:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. you-know-who,
Thank you for your note about homework. I will make a note about the return of homeowrk from Friday on Tuesday. Miss J is a good student and being late with a Friday homework will not be a problem for her in discussions of the work. This will not be reflected in her grade for responsibility either. I will not send homework early because we may not have had the lesson regarding the homework before the Friday.
Sincerely, Mrs. B.

I was pleased as punch. So are my kids. And the only thing that bothered me about her response was the mispelling of 'homework'. Oh well.

Happy days. A synopsis of our fun, busy weekend will not ensue. I'm trying to think of something interesting to write about this week besides a basic journal entry. Wish me luck.