{The toddler a year ago when he was so sad to NOT be going to school} I have enough Mommy-guilt, so I'm writing the following with the expectations that the freedom of speech act will not follow. I don't want any comments that will further induce my guilt. You're welcome to your thoughts, just don't share them. This blog is not a democracy. But any tips or advice are always welcome. I'm an amateur mother.
With that, I'm going to tell you how much my three year old hates preschool. It's horrible. We're on to the fifth week now. He only goes Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and on those mornings he starts crying and fussing as soon as he wakes up; begging not to have to get dressed, bartering over where he could go INSTEAD of preschool, insisting that I not leave him. The night before is a tragic night of nightmares. He screams for his Mommy and I usually end up sleeping with him in his bed or he in mine with him holding on to me for dear life. I told you it was bad.
His teachers are wonderful, I couldn't be happier. And we're all working together to try to make this better for him. My other two boys went to preschool when they were his age, so it's not like he's far too young. As my youngest, he's also been with me a lot more... never really apart. He's still my one to cry when it's time for nursery at church - and he's the oldest one there.
When I leave him at preschool it breaks my heart. I have to tear him off of me and hand him to a teacher. He stands at the window bawling while his teacher waves his hand in a happy motion of goodbye. They say he calms down after a while, but that any little trigger sends him back into tears. Plus, he's a sympathetic crier, so anytime anybody else happens to be sad or cry - off he goes too.
It's so strange to me that he's like this. He is so social, so outgoing and has such a personality and attitude at home or with other children. And on the days he has preschool, the rest of the day it's like he has extra personality and "talking" to get out of him because it was on lock down in the morning. If he wasn't already a mama's boy, he is even more so now. We talk about how nice his friends and teachers are, and his response is always "I don't tink so." Though, truly they are.
So on Friday I took him for his 3yr old doctor's check up (a little late). He needed an unanticipated shot, and so I quickly explained what was going to happen before the nurse came back. All three older kids were huddled around ready for the tears to spring. I held him on my lap, his legs snuggled tightly between my legs, my arms hugging his arms and his sugar-free sucker from the doctor nestled between his lips. The shot came and went. According to the big kids, his face went red, but not a sound escaped. He hopped down as if nothing had happened, and on the way out the door said, "I like this doctor. When can we come back here?"
I'm confused.
Tuesday and Thursday mornings may have me telling him we're going to the doctor's for a shot instead of telling him it's a preschool day. Or maybe I need to give his preschool teacher some sugar-free suckers to divy out. I dont' know anymore. It's got to get better, right?
6 comments:
try the sucker - even if it's not sugar-free. ;) Good luck. I'm sorry this isn't more of a happy experience all around and hope it gets better for you. Listen to you intuition though. You'll know what is best. Maybe he isn't ready - or maybe he just needs to adjust.
This must be breaking your heart to go through this twice a week.
So hard to know if this is a result of being a 'Mommy's Boy' (I had one of those once!) or is there something at preschool that is causing him to be so anxious. Has something happened or is happening by a teacher or other child?? Maybe you could ask him specific questions about his time at preschool and if anything has upset him or made him feel uncomfortable. Then pray to know what the trouble is, Heavenly Father is just as concerned that your little guy be happy on Tuesday & Thursday mornings as well as Monday & Wednesday nites, as you are. He knows what's making him so distraught and now the hard part is discerning what it is and how to deal with it.
Is there another alternative for him on those mornings that would make everyone happier?
First off, he will move forward from this!! ;) PROMISE!!
He reminds me of Yvon - who is the "sensitive type" as well as the "spirited type". Transitions were difficult and what a HUGE transition this is for you, him and your family!!!!
Having said that, he'll gain confidence as you do. It's always the hardest for us, eh?? Our preschool director for Yvon would tell me that he was partly reflecting the pain all over my face. I hated to admit the truth of that!! ;) When Andre dropped Yvon off, there was hardly a tear - if any!! When I dropped him off, the drama was unbearable and I would cry just like the little piggy...all the way home!! :)
SO, I assessed the reality - Yvon was big enough to go. I had my time with him (and had LOTS of other time with him) and it was time for him to be ready. The more confident I felt in letting him go and adjusting to my new roles in Motherhood, the more confident he became in preschool.
Marjorie, you have no need to carry any Mother guilt ANYMORE!! It's a waste of perfectly productive space for work and peace. You can be confident in the decisions you have made to be the awesome Mother you are choosing to be right now. As you gain that confidence, I promise he will with his new life!!!! So, don't let him pull out your emotions and heartstrings...when you say "it's okay" (or whatever you tell him) he should FEEL it too! It takes some practice (try role playing with Greg! ;) but it will all come together.
Prayer and the Spirit will help you with all the details that only you know best!!
Luv you and I feeeeeeeeeel your pain!! He's the youngest (and potentially the last?), etc. Sending Melaia to school was also similarly incredibly emotional and took some acting on my part...soon enough, I learned the part, felt the part, played it well and so did she!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo
daze
p.s. sorry for the book! ;)
I so needed to read this! Garrett has had the same problem, but adjusting to kindergarten. He would make it through the morning but then usually cry all afternoon and say he missed his mom. It broke my heart, but I put on the tough mommy face and told him all the great things about school and how he would love it, etc.
I wrote him a little note to put in his pocket, which worked great until he lost the note :'
We fasted and prayed with him, talked to him about being brave, and CHOOSING to be happy.
We practiced telling jokes and I sent a little joke book with him so he could tell a joke instead of cry when he felt sad.
NOthing worked! Until one day he asked if he could borrow my watch. He just wanted to know how long it was going to last and then he could pace himself and deal with it. Now he is perfectly happy and loves it. Who knew it could be so simple?! I still write a little smiley face and note on his hand with a Sharpie at the beginning of the day (so he can't lose it) but he's fine just borrowing my watch and knowing what time it is.
Know that you aren't alone and you will find the right formula for your little guy. Thanks for sharing.
I forgot, one day i tied a piece of yarn around my wrist and another around Garrett's so he would know I was thinking about him whenever he saw it. Worth a try maybe.
And my favorite joke Garrett told:
Knock, knock:
Who's there?
Utah
Utah who?
U-talk-too-much :)
That is so hard to leave a crying child. I can feel your heart break.
That is so funny about the shot and the dctor's office!
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