Good Morning

I’m a complete hypocrite. Every morning I begin my day by uttering a quick prayer to my maker before the days events force me into a world of frantic moments and created memories. Repetitive, yes, but since I was a child I’ve started my morning prayer with an expression of gratitude for the new day I have been given. Lately, after said prayer, I start chasing kids into gear, comforting a crying baby and attempting to swallow a bite of cereal with lactose-free milk all while complaining (mostly in my mind, but sometimes out loud) how much I am not enjoying this new day. I know it’s horrible. I really do enjoy my days (as much as a completely sleep deprived “new” mom can)… I’m just really not a morning person.

The past month has been a trying one for me. And while the last week has been much more tolerable, almost to the point of me feeling “normal”… I’m not taking any chances and declaring myself as such. Having a new baby is hard. I’m not complaining, or whining, I’m just saying it how it is. Having four kids is hard. Losing half your blood and feeling weaker than a thirsty vampire (yes, I finished Eclipse!) is hard. Heck, just being a mom and wife is hard.
Before I was pregnant with my fourth I was just starting to feel like I couldn’t understand how “other” moms couldn’t keep their houses tolerably clean, why “other” moms were always running late and then at the end of the day didn’t know what to feed their family for dinner – hello, that’s what a meal planning calendar and co-ordinating shopping list are for. Now as I struggle to get out of my pjs and out of my house on a daily basis, let alone get all the kids (and yes four now seems like so many more than three) physically and emotionally cared for, I worship you superhero moms who have swept, and perchance even mopped your kitchen floor in the past month. Since I gave birth, Big J has started first grade, Mr. T has started preschool, Little E is doing Joy School (yes I’m attempting that once again) and all the fall sports have begun as has Little E’s music class, not to mention the continuous speech therapy sessions (Mr. T has thankfully “graduated” from speech just in time for another little boy to join our family!) I’m still Primary President and though I have had tremendous support and help in that area, it’s something that is on my mind quite frequently and tires me out beyond belief. My sweet baby is EXTREMELY sensitive and lactose intolerant. I’ve had to completely change my diet, and thankfully that has made a tremendous difference in his whole demeanor. He is back to being the baby he was that first week. Really I’m just trying to paint of picture of why I haven’t been blogging in the last month… but it’s starting to sound too much like whining, and so I better move on.

Last Saturday, after several nights of no sleep, Mr. Man hinted that he thought I was depressed. Having experience severe postpartum depression, I began to feel extreme anxiety that he may be right. I brushed him off explaining that I was just tired… all the while fretting that I was experiencing all the “symptoms”. I spent the whole day depressed that I may be depressed. It was a horrible day and a very bad waste of time. That night I had an experience that clarified things and helped me to see that I really wasn’t depressed, but just, as I had thought… VERY TIRED! Almost as a rebound reaction, I’ve had a much better week… almost glorifying the realization of my sanity and un-depression!

Today after getting Big J and Mr. T off to school the two little boys and I headed over to speech therapy, then music class, a trip to the park followed by adding Mr. T and a friend to our crew and heading over to McDonalds for a lunchdate with some friends, I did three loads of laundry, started dusting, picked up Big J from school, prepared a fun after school snack, actually went outside with all the kids while they played, had a long phone conversation with my mom and then co-hosted a baby shower for two friends. Sounds like a pretty good “normal” day… but my house is still a disaster, and we had leftovers and peanut butter sandwiches for dinner! (And by the way, Lynnette – my kids were still up when I got home tonight too!)

So my point has completely dislodged from my brain… but basically I’ve been busy and hormonal, and started humming and hawing about whether or not I even want to keep blogging – which is a whole other post in and of itself – which actually totally defeats my thought process regarding blogging anyways! Mornings… right… anybody have any advice or techniques that help to make a non-morning person at least friendly in the hours before 10am? How do you all make your mornings (when most everyone has to be out the door by 8:30am) run smoother? There are many of you out there who are up on pedestals for me, and I would more than LOVE your comments. For now, I’m going to continue to pray, because that has to help make the day at least a little better, and I may even try to be more specific and ask to enjoy the gift I’ve been given.