I’m a complete hypocrite. Every morning I begin my day by uttering a quick prayer to my maker before the days events force me into a world of frantic moments and created memories. Repetitive, yes, but since I was a child I’ve started my morning prayer with an expression of gratitude for the new day I have been given. Lately, after said prayer, I start chasing kids into gear, comforting a crying baby and attempting to swallow a bite of cereal with lactose-free milk all while complaining (mostly in my mind, but sometimes out loud) how much I am not enjoying this new day. I know it’s horrible. I really do enjoy my days (as much as a completely sleep deprived “new” mom can)… I’m just really not a morning person.
The past month has been a trying one for me. And while the last week has been much more tolerable, almost to the point of me feeling “normal”… I’m not taking any chances and declaring myself as such. Having a new baby is hard. I’m not complaining, or whining, I’m just saying it how it is. Having four kids is hard. Losing half your blood and feeling weaker than a thirsty vampire (yes, I finished Eclipse!) is hard. Heck, just being a mom and wife is hard.
Before I was pregnant with my fourth I was just starting to feel like I couldn’t understand how “other” moms couldn’t keep their houses tolerably clean, why “other” moms were always running late and then at the end of the day didn’t know what to feed their family for dinner – hello, that’s what a meal planning calendar and co-ordinating shopping list are for. Now as I struggle to get out of my pjs and out of my house on a daily basis, let alone get all the kids (and yes four now seems like so many more than three) physically and emotionally cared for, I worship you superhero moms who have swept, and perchance even mopped your kitchen floor in the past month. Since I gave birth, Big J has started first grade, Mr. T has started preschool, Little E is doing Joy School (yes I’m attempting that once again) and all the fall sports have begun as has Little E’s music class, not to mention the continuous speech therapy sessions (Mr. T has thankfully “graduated” from speech just in time for another little boy to join our family!) I’m still Primary President and though I have had tremendous support and help in that area, it’s something that is on my mind quite frequently and tires me out beyond belief. My sweet baby is EXTREMELY sensitive and lactose intolerant. I’ve had to completely change my diet, and thankfully that has made a tremendous difference in his whole demeanor. He is back to being the baby he was that first week. Really I’m just trying to paint of picture of why I haven’t been blogging in the last month… but it’s starting to sound too much like whining, and so I better move on.
Last Saturday, after several nights of no sleep, Mr. Man hinted that he thought I was depressed. Having experience severe postpartum depression, I began to feel extreme anxiety that he may be right. I brushed him off explaining that I was just tired… all the while fretting that I was experiencing all the “symptoms”. I spent the whole day depressed that I may be depressed. It was a horrible day and a very bad waste of time. That night I had an experience that clarified things and helped me to see that I really wasn’t depressed, but just, as I had thought… VERY TIRED! Almost as a rebound reaction, I’ve had a much better week… almost glorifying the realization of my sanity and un-depression!
Today after getting Big J and Mr. T off to school the two little boys and I headed over to speech therapy, then music class, a trip to the park followed by adding Mr. T and a friend to our crew and heading over to McDonalds for a lunchdate with some friends, I did three loads of laundry, started dusting, picked up Big J from school, prepared a fun after school snack, actually went outside with all the kids while they played, had a long phone conversation with my mom and then co-hosted a baby shower for two friends. Sounds like a pretty good “normal” day… but my house is still a disaster, and we had leftovers and peanut butter sandwiches for dinner! (And by the way, Lynnette – my kids were still up when I got home tonight too!)
So my point has completely dislodged from my brain… but basically I’ve been busy and hormonal, and started humming and hawing about whether or not I even want to keep blogging – which is a whole other post in and of itself – which actually totally defeats my thought process regarding blogging anyways! Mornings… right… anybody have any advice or techniques that help to make a non-morning person at least friendly in the hours before 10am? How do you all make your mornings (when most everyone has to be out the door by 8:30am) run smoother? There are many of you out there who are up on pedestals for me, and I would more than LOVE your comments. For now, I’m going to continue to pray, because that has to help make the day at least a little better, and I may even try to be more specific and ask to enjoy the gift I’ve been given.
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12 comments:
I am not one to say that every morning is the best morning...but I do find when I am up before the kids, have gotten in some excerise...like walking with friends...then things go smoother and I am more cheerfull. I guess I have to get "my fix" in before I can serve the rest of the "world demands". Good Luck...I know you can do it!!!!
You are doing an amazing job! Being a new mom is absolutely, completely exhausting. It takes so much out of a person to care for a new baby plus all the other needs of other kids. Keep it up! It's funny because I was just thinking this week about doing a post on how I am not a morning person at all. I am totally with you on this one. When you have a new baby waking you up all night, it can be especially hard to get yourself going. For myself, I'm going to try to get to bed earlier so that hopefully I'll feel a little more alive in the morning. Having things laid out and ready to go the night before can make things easier in the morning (if you're not too tired in the evening to do it). Best of luck with everything!
I wish I had a bunch of advice for you but really I'm just trying to figure it out, as well. Welcome to my world! I do have to say that one thing that has helped me is a cleaning schedule so that I know what I need to clean that day and I try and plan my day out with time to do those things. But, if I don't get them done then I let it go and just be happy that my kids are healthy, smiling and I've survived another day. It's all about survival mode!
Waking up any earlier than I have to is not an option for me. I need every minute of sleep that I can sneak in but if it works for you, GREAT!
Good luck and have fun!
renee, you are in the thick of it! and you're doing great - i can't imagine taking on all that you've got going with a newborn, but i guess it's essential when you've got older kiddos! i am definitely not a morning person, but like the others have said, my best days are when i make myself get up, get a workout (even if it's just a brisk walk) in, and shower. then at least you feel like a person the rest of the day, instead of and indentured housewife. good luck, and here's a hug from me!
I think I've just discovered that my "exotic" friend is human! Oh, and you can't quit blogging cuz then I'd miss you more not knowing what you're up to. After our first playgroup experience, Adam was full out bottom lip crying saying that he didn't want to go anymore. He said he wanted to play with Tyler and Ethen. So I promptly loaded up your blog so he could see a picture of the boys and he felt much happier. Just know, you're still my idol! Most moms only dream of keeping it together the way you do on a bad day.
I am glad to see your kids aren't always in bed by 7pm. I feel guilty every night when I am finally getting mine to bed by 9, sometimes 10pm.
Like Ally said, it is survival mode. At least for two more months, right? I think you are amazing for all that you do. Hang in there, it gets easier. (Who am I to talk, I only have three kiddos!)
I am Lynnette's older sister and I found your blog through hers. I just want to let you know that I have loved reading your thoughts. I have laughed and cried and worried and celebtrated right along with you and your family. You have been an inspiration to me many times. I have 6 children and I have suffered from extreme depression and tiredness this past year. (My baby is 6 months old now) As I have blog-hopped I have found women all over that are doing and feeling the same things that I am and it has been so helpful to me on days when I am struggling and not really able to call or visit someone I know, to get online and read blogs written by friends, family, and friends of someone else, and realize that none of us have it completely together but that we are all trying every day and that together we can support each other survive another day. I hope that you continue to blog but that is my own selfishness. I am not a morning person either and I hate the thought of my children rushing off to school in a whirl of chaos. I try to do as much the night before to get ready for the next morning so that I don't really have to do much thinking that early. Cold cereal for breakfast while I fix hair, scriptures and prayers and then they are off and I go back to bed with the little ones. I feel a little guilty for not making them a homemade breakfast and then sleeping while they are off for the day but I have surrendered to doing only what I can do and then trying again the next day. Besides, feeling guilty takes alot of energy and I am in limited supply of that so I must conserve for the important things. One day, sometimes one minute, at a time. You have one more friend here cheering for you. You are an amazing person! Hang in there and good luck!
I am not a mother of 4, but I know my early mornings go better when I get ready teh night before. Clothes, lunches, etc. Good luck on that. I hate mornings too. My mantra for tough times: "this too shall pass."
And thank you for the well wishes. They are words spoken by a mother who "knows" what is needed. I am hugging you back too:)
Oh yeah, invest in a whole array of paper goods and utensils to cut back on dishes while times are tough.
Hey Renee,
Hang in there! You do soooo much. Elise 5 months now and things are SOOOOO much better. She was sensitive as well. I guess my advice would be to lower your standards for a while and just enjoy the parts you can. I've also stopped praying for things to be fixed (like for my baby to sleep a long time) and have started praying that I can handle what is required of me and find joy in it. Also, lots of times I'll find I see things from a different perspective or my perception changes.
I still don't know how you do it with four and a husband in school! Trust me - there are times when I haven't showered in a few days, when I eat whatever is in sight, when I am mean to my kids and have to apologize for it, days when I feel like doing nothing at all! We also eat cereal for dinner sometimes and that's OKAY!
Renee,
I too am a mother of four with a husband in school. I've been one of your blog stalkers for a while now and appreciate all of your insights. I am also a confirmed morning screamer. Mornings always come too early in my opinion.
I've been suffering with thyroid problems (which depression goes hand in hand with)and I find I completely empathize with your plight. It is a struggle every day and you are one of those people up on a pedestal in my book (I can't believe you're still primary president!!!!). If you're anything like me, you're thinking, "but you don't see the real me, just the me on my blog." But you are stronger than you think and you can survive this! I'm glad you're depression free this time around.
I like the advice to just lower your standards for a while and take it easy on yourself. That's what my counselor tells me. I find that "counting my many blessings" and finding joy and humor in the little things (a giggle, a silly smile, a cuddle, a sloppy kiss), though hard some days, gives me proper perspective on all the chaos and frustrations. A little exercise always helps (especially on those days when I just want to crawl back in bed and hide). Planning ahead helps with the morning chaos too.
I have selfish reasons, but I hope you'll keep blogging, but we all understand when life gets too crazy for it--no worries! Take care of you first. Keep up the good work--you're doing awesome!
You have all made me feel loved and normal - thank you. I still hate mornings... I may always hate mornings, but you've given me the motivation to keep trying.
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