Lifelong Lessons Part I

The manner of giving is worth more than the gift. ~Pierre Corneille, Le Menteur

This Christmas season has been full of the learning many lifelong lessons for our family. St. Nicholas visited our home as per tradition. And he brought with him a lesson to learn. Incidentally I had heard that St. Nick was considering bringing coal to a couple of trouble makers, but instead he brought small gifts including a chocolate letter (of each child's initial), a new bath towel, and a small toy (a transformer for each of the boys, something more grown up for Miss J).

First, a little background.

Little E has only been asking for one specific thing for Christmas... which is good because our kids only get three gifts: gold (what they want most), frankincense (something for their body or mind) and myrrh (something religious). The ONE THING he wants is Optimus Prime. So when he came downstairs on the morning of December 6th and discovered a transformer, but NOT Optimus Prime he was beyond devastated. Completely ungrateful and entirely upset over what he did NOT get. When I told my Mom this story, she ached for her grandson and felt bad that he didn't get what he wanted. Well, as his mother, I felt differently. How dare he be so ungrateful! I sent him back to bed until he could change his attitude, and since he was already bawling his eyes out, bed seemed like a good place to be. Eventually he came back out of his room and grumpily said that he was ready to have his presents now. Thus ensued a wonderful lesson/lecture by Mr. Man about what it means to receive a gift... and in the end, our little boy was told he couldn't open any of his gifts (chocolate letter included) until after school.

The crying started over again and he ran back to his room vowing never to come out, and screaming that he hated St. Nicholas.

Little E has never been a very good gift receiver. We've struggled with finding the perfect gifts for him, well-knowing that he expresses his joy and disappointment equally. We've seen him cry over a new bike, because he really wanted a scooter - and we've been embarrassed when this has happened in front of family and friends who are giving him wonderful gifts. Mr. Man tried to explain about WHY we give gifts, and what it means to receive a gift, and how the gift itself isn't what really matters, but the love and the gratitude of giving and receiving - the relationships that are built when we demonstrate that love.

Sometimes, it is not our ability to give something in return, but our ability to receive the gifts given us that counts. Our relationships are greatly enhanced when we become not only generous givers, but generous receivers as well, people who accept gifts gladly, thankfully, wholeheartedly, with the kind of smile you'll never forget.
Gifts are freely given, whose only reason and purpose is love. It has served its end when it is also received in love. For some, receiving comes naturally, for others it takes effort to be a generous receiver... Mr. Man did a great job explaining all of this to Little E.

Of course, then Mr. Man went to work.

It broke my heart to send my little boy off to school with tears still in his eyes. The only one to have not opened a gift that morning.

And yet, I knew and hoped that he would spend the day remembering, thinking and hopefully learning an important lesson.

Instead of coal, hopefully he'll remember the year his shoe was full, but his hands were empty. (Easy for me to say - since I KNOW what his GOLD gift will be.)


"Gracious acceptance is an art - an art which
most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have
to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting
things, which can be much harder than giving...
Accepting another person's gift is allowing
to express his feelings for you."
- Alexander McCall Smith